.png)
Emotions Untapped
Welcome to the Emotions Untapped podcast, the show where we uncover all the information you need to better understand, use and manage your emotions in a positive way. When we understand our thoughts feelings and emotions we not only become more familiar with ourselves but also can foster healthier relationships with others. If you're aim is to relieve stress, communicate effectively and defuse conflict, empathise with others, overcome challenges and overall just have more meaningful relationships, then you've come to the right place. If you are searching for direction and more fulfillment in your life then the Emotions Untapped podcast was made for you. Each week we sit souind with therapists, experts, thought leaders, healers and so many more to bring you the tools and insights you need to start living a more emotionally intelligent life now.
Emotions Untapped
#011 Overcoming Conflict: Emotional Intelligence and Techniques for Stronger Relationships
Can relationship conflicts be navigated successfully, even when they're inevitable? Join us on the Emotions Untapped podcast as we sit down with Risa Ganel, a licensed clinical couple and family therapist, to uncover the truths about managing emotional responses during conflicts. Risa breaks down the root causes of many disagreements, revealing that they often arise from a lack of being heard and understood. We explore the importance of emotional intelligence and self-awareness in nurturing healthier relationships.
Ever wondered why some conflicts leave lasting resentments? This episode categorizes conflict styles into four distinct quadrants, helping you identify your own and your partner's behaviors during times of tension. Risa shares how understanding these styles can empower you to break free from unhelpful cycles learned in your family, and create more effective ways of relating. The insights shared here are pivotal for anyone looking to enhance their conflict resolution skills and foster more harmonious relationships.
But how do you actually manage reactivity and maintain respect during a disagreement? Risa introduces techniques from relational life therapy that focus on self-regulation, addressing fears, and setting realistic expectations in long-term relationships. Learn how attachment styles intertwine with conflict styles, and why personal accountability can make all the difference. Tune in to discover practical strategies for working together against problems, not each other, and transforming your relationship dynamics for the better.
We love to hear from you! Please send us your feedback and questions via the text link at the top of the show notes, or DM us on Instagram
You can connect with our community, connect with us on social media and find valuable (FREE) resources on our website www.eqnation.org
The reality is, all relationships will always have different levels of conflict. It's inescapable conflict. Having the skills to manage your own sense of self and boundaries, psychologically, between you and the other person are essential skills that we need to learn and need to teach in order to do this better. That's the stuff of being human. We get what is commonly referred to as triggered right. Something will happen and you get this whoosh that comes over you, and the thing is this it is our work to manage the whoosh, to manage our reactivity. It is not our partners, it's our job.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Emotions Untapped podcast. I'm your host, livia Lauder. This is the show where we explore the power of emotional intelligence in our personal and professional lives In this community. We dive into conversations with experts and thought leaders from a variety of fields to gain insights, strategies and tools for cultivating emotional intelligence or EQ for short. It gives me so much joy to create this show for you, to bring value and resources to you on your journey. I love your support in helping us create an even bigger impact. Just leave a five-star review and share this episode with a friend so we can continue to help others improve their lives by improving their emotional health. Now hit that subscribe button and let's dive in.
Speaker 2:Risa Ganel is a licensed clinical couple and family therapist and a certified relational life therapist and trainer for the Relational Life Institute. She also facilitates relationship health through two-day couple intensives, relationship boot camps, traditional couples therapy and public speaking engagements. Today on the show we talk about conflict in relationships, different conflict styles that we all possess, and Risa shares tools and examples on how to manage conflict more effectively. We touch on fears around speaking up and why that can be so challenging in some relationships. We also talk about attachment styles and Risa shares how relationships, believe it or not, are actually not safe.
Speaker 2:Risa, it's so great to have you on the show today. Thank you for being here. Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to get into this conversation because when we talk about relationships, it's really relatable to all of us. At one point or another we were all in some sort of intimate relationship. We have other types of intimate relationships with family members and friends, et cetera, as well as intimate partners, so this is going to be a really fantastic conversation that I'm really excited to get into. So let's dive right in. In relation to conflict in relationships, generally speaking, what would you say is the main cause for conflict in relationships?
Speaker 1:Well, it's a really interesting question because in it, in the question itself, there's almost a sense of like why does this happen? It shouldn't happen, but the reality is all relationships will always have different levels of conflict. It's inescapable conflict. So certainly the main reason people give, let's say, for coming to couples therapy, like they do with me, is because of communication, which is a really broad statement. It's sort of a ubiquitous statement that tells us very little about what's going on. Right, but that is what most people say and what most people experience we don't communicate well, which really says I don't feel heard and understood. At the root of it, mm-hmm. Now, there's certainly all different kinds of ways of communicating, but at the heart of it it's about being heard and understood.
Speaker 2:Okay, fantastic, so you work with couples and individuals to really transform conflict into connection, so really bridging that gap. I'd love for you to share different conflict styles that do exist, just to help the listener understand that not all people essentially communicate or debate in the same manner.
Speaker 1:Sure, yeah, and there's in the work that I do, relational life therapy we have a way of exploring this, to help each person understand what are the behaviors I tend to do when I'm trying to seek connection, when I feel disconnection. So let me back up a second, if I can, to go into a little bit more of that first question that you asked with regards to conflict. That you asked with regards to conflict. Every relationship goes through periods of harmony, disharmony and then repair back to harmony. That's the ideal right.
Speaker 1:But what happens is we have disharmony. We know what that looks like, know why didn't you get what you said you were going to pick up at the grocery store? Why didn't you, you know, follow through on what you said you were going to do or what you just said hurt my feelings. That's disconnection, that's disharmony. And we get stuck in this sort of what I'll call dishonest harmony because we don't know how to repair and actually get back to real harmony. So simmering resentments end up permeating a relationship because we don't know how to deal with conflict. Our culture doesn't know how to deal with conflict.
Speaker 1:Our culture teaches us in many different ways that conflict is bad. So, you know, when it comes to different styles of conflict, you know there can be the person who gravitates towards saying things like, well, if that's how you're going to be, I'm just going to go behind my wall and what you say doesn't matter, and how I feel. You know what I feel is good and what you say doesn't matter, and so I'm just going to go over here behind my wall, behind my wall. That's one sort of general style. Right, we have a whole grid that we use to help people understand their conflict style, and actually people can go on my website and take a little quiz and it'll tell you what your conflict style is. But this grid creates four quadrants and describes the behaviors that come up in those quadrants. So that first one that I was just describing is what we call someone who's walled off and one up, meaning they don't take in what upsets you, right? So they're like that doesn't matter. They sort of go behind that kind of wall and they don't let out feelings that are bothering them, and sometimes it can look like being passive, aggressive, being disconnected, acting out, needing to be right, sort of being above the rules Okay, Yep, out. Needing to be right sort of being above the rules, okay, yep, okay. So that's one type of conflict style.
Speaker 1:Another is what we call walled off and one down, or love avoidant. This is someone who feels resigned, like their needs and wants don't matter, I'm not going to bother taking any action because it's not going to make any difference anyways. They tend to shut down. They may be depressed or behave in depressed ways and often describe things as helpless. Like what I'm going to do, it's not going to make a difference, so why bother? We sort of call this the Eeyore category Okay. And then another type of conflict style is someone who is boundaryless and down in shame. I'm sort of going over this in a really quick way.
Speaker 1:It's not giving the full picture of what these quadrants are, but you can learn that more in a variety of ways, or we can talk a little further about it, but this boundaryless and one down is also what is known as love dependent. This is someone who basically comes across as love me, love me, love me, love me, love me. Please come over here and love me, come over here and love me, and conflict with them is extremely uncomfortable. They feel uncomfortable in their own skin. They are very needy, thin-skinned and reactive and desperate.
Speaker 1:So those kinds of, and reactive and desperate okay so those kinds of um adjectives or are how they behave in conflict. Okay, and then the last one is what we call boundaryless and one up. This is often where people are very angry, self-righteous. They may express things, uh, just whatever comes to their mind, whatever feeling is comes up for, they just blurt it out. They can be very controlling and aggressive, and so these are sort of the four different types of behaviors that people get into to, and it's all connected to your own sense of self-worth and boundaries, which I teach a lot about through the relational life therapy, which is the modality that I practice and was trained by terry real to to do to help couples and to help people come into the center of health when it comes to relating and connecting, because there will always be conflict, but having the skills to manage your own sense of self and boundaries psychologically between you and the other person are essential skills that we need to learn and need to teach in order to do this better amazing.
Speaker 2:that was such a great overview and I've made some notes there as you were going along. I've got kind of two questions that have popped up in relation to those specifically, one of them being how important is it for someone to have this information and understanding and be a better you know, to be better in conflict, to resolve conflict, manage it in a better way? Like is understanding these different categories and perhaps, where they fit in, going to help them be a little bit more solution focused, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Look, knowledge is empowering, absolutely. Look, knowledge is empowering. And when we can understand our own psychology and how our own psychology is connected to our behaviors and how to be in relationships from the family we grew up in yeah, aren't always the best models. Yeah, aspects of those ways of relating that we want to keep, that do work.
Speaker 2:And then there are aspects that we want to challenge and replace and do differently, do better okay, yeah, and I'm just curious then too, having done a little bit of work, um, with anxious or sorry, attachment styles, which we'll talk about a little bit later on is it common that people find themselves in relationships you know one being the opposite of the other when it comes to conflict styles or are people that find themselves in relationship having conflict? Are they often in the same category? Um, I'm curious about that because I know that with attachment styles, it seems to be that opposites attract, and so I'm I'm curious if conflict styles has the same kind of energy around it in that sense.
Speaker 1:In a sense, it's often that two people come together, have different conflict styles rather than the same conflict style. But I wouldn't say that it's a given always, just like with attachment style. It's not a given always, just like with attachment style, it's not a given always. But someone who is walled off, let's say, and sort of goes behind, that isn't expressive and so on, may find themselves really attracted to someone who's much more expressive and outgoing in that sense. But then when it comes to conflict, if that's how they pave, then it, you know, can be problematic.
Speaker 2:Yeah they're polar opposites in a sense so it would be push and pull, and push and pull, and it would make it very challenging.
Speaker 1:And of course, then what ends up happening is this sort of negative feedback loop, where the more one person goes behind that wall, the more the other tries to draw them out. And the more they try and draw them out love me, love me, love me the other one goes oh, this is too much, I can't take this.
Speaker 2:And further and further apart they go, comes this entrenched cycle, yeah, and you're just kind of caught in that loop then at that point cycle, yeah, and you're just kind of caught in that loop.
Speaker 1:Then at that point and you know, really the work that I do is about, let's recognize and understand the pattern that the two of you get into, and then it becomes us, or the two people against the pattern, rather than one against the other person. It becomes us against the pattern rather than me against you.
Speaker 2:That's beautiful, I love that. That's incredible that you're able to, you know, shed that awareness to the, you know, say, couple in question and have them transition kind of their energy and their focus from going at each other to really just resolving. You know the pattern that keeps coming up. That's incredible. I love this.
Speaker 1:Most powerful piece is really once you recognize that pattern and it becomes the two of you against the pattern, you have personal agency power. Your power is in what's my part of the pattern? How do I contribute to this?
Speaker 2:because that's the part I can change right, because it's not about changing the other person. It's all the work being done on yourself, isn't that right?
Speaker 1:it, I wouldn't put it as all right, like a lot of the work an individual can do can really shift what goes on in a in a relationship. So there is that personal accountability, and then, of course, there's also making requests of our, our partners. Can you do this differently for me? And and asking in a way that is more, is inviting rather than complaining in order to help the other person come through for you, and sometimes they will and sometimes they won't, but that's part of being in an intimate relationship.
Speaker 2:Right is navigating that that's a great example that you just said and what you you just described, who's a fantastic segue into the next question that I have for you. But I would love for you to just share a really quick example of what you just mentioned. What was the words that you use instead of complaining, inviting or what was it that you had said?
Speaker 1:Sorry, yeah, I think I did say inviting yeah, yeah, so when you're making a request, yeah.
Speaker 2:So could you give us like an example of what that would sound like, like, instead of it being a request kind of, with the foundation of complaining about something more, just like reaching out in a healthy way?
Speaker 1:Sure, I'll give you an example from my own life. Right, I may teach this and work with my clients on this, but I live it too right, I'm in relationships and I have to do the same things I encourage my clients to do. So I'll give you an example of it used to be. I say before, I did my own work on becoming my own relational recovery. Right, it's similar to sobriety, right, relational recovery.
Speaker 1:I would um go to my husband's office in our house when I noticed that the dog hadn't been taken out and it was his turn to take the dog out. And I would go in and I would say are you serious? You haven't taken the dog out yet? You do this all the time. I like, really, you're gonna sit here and continue working. The dog is suffering. Right, that's complaining. It's like a blaming. So what happens now is we agree to who's going to negotiate. Part of it is negotiating things that work for us. Okay, we agree that the dog will be taken out by one o'clock in the afternoon, no matter whose job it is, whose turn it is, and he's going to set alarms for himself so that he remembers to do it when it's his turn. He, he's human. He's going to make mistakes and get focused on something whatever, and so now it is that I can go to him and say remember, we had an agreement that you would take her out at one o'clock. Can you please follow through for me?
Speaker 1:and then it's not about arguing over who's taking the dog out and why not, and so on and so forth. It's we had an agreement, please follow through right. There's personal accountability there. When you make a great agreements with one another, you do your best to follow through, oh I love that.
Speaker 2:it's fantastic. So it's you're, you're setting it up, you're negotiating, you're having a clear conversation and communicating essentially boundaries, I guess, in a way, whether it be you know about chores around the house and what have you, so setting that up first, and then it's more of a reminder and like a gentle kind of a gentle reminder, I guess would be a good way to put it, as opposed to being frustrated. And yeah, yeah, I love that. That's beautiful. That's such a fantastic example. Thank you for sharing that. We'll be right back after a quick break. I hope you're loving the show so far.
Speaker 2:This podcast is all about bringing value to the collective. You're here because you're looking to gain insights, strategies and tools for cultivating your emotional intelligence. Join our community online, where we share even more valuable resources to help you grow and thrive. Links in the show notes. And hey, we love hearing from you. Share this episode in your stories and tag us at emotionsuntapped.
Speaker 2:Let us know what your biggest takeaway is from today's show. All right, let's get back to it. Your biggest takeaway is from today's show? All right, let's get back to it. And so, like I said, that kind of transitions into the next question that I'd love to discuss with you about, you know, speaking up. So now we're starting to communicate these things. When we look at conflict, on flicked resolution, it's important to be able to speak in a healthy way. As you just provided a fantastic example, what would be another way that that could look? Perhaps in a bit of like a heated situation right, like that was a little bit more of like an observation of something that hadn't been done, and then you kind of go and bring it to that person's attention. What if it was kind of when the fire's hot right and we're kind of we're heated up and potentially like emotions are high? How can we practice speaking in a healthy way in those types of scenarios?
Speaker 1:You know that's the stuff of being human. We get what is commonly referred to as triggered right. Something will happen and you get this whoosh that comes over you. And the thing is this it is our work to manage the whoosh, to manage our reactivity. It is not our partners our job. So if you notice that that whoosh comes over you, that's not the time to have a discussion about anything.
Speaker 1:It's time to take a pause. It's time to take a deep breath, perhaps time to step away for a moment and to do it in a responsible way, not a provocative way, and we teach people how to do this in relational life therapy. This is the main skill. This is the first skill that we all have to build in order to do relationships better, in order to do conflict better, which is the pause Take a breath. I don't want to approach this from a reactive place, because it's not going to serve me. It's not going to serve us and I care about the other person. So you know, the short answer to your question is don't have the conversation then right, park it, wait and bring it up later. Park it and I teach people how to bring it up later. I have a whole format for doing that fantastic, great.
Speaker 2:And then when it comes to speaking up as well, there's um, we had a bit of a conversation in the pre-interview and you said that there are four main fears that people have when speaking up. That essentially prevents them from doing so. So I'd love for you to take us through what those four fears are and kind of how they show up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for those of us who tend to shy away from saying what's on our minds, saying what we need, saying how we feel, these are the main fears that tend to come up, especially from those of us who are disempowered and feel like the other person has more power in the relationship and power dynamics are real. So the first fear is that the other person will blow up. They'll get angry.
Speaker 1:We fear that. We fear that the other person will leave if we bring up how we feel. If we bring up our own feelings, we fear that the other person will fall apart, that they can't handle it, and so we're protective of them by not bringing up our own feelings and needs. And then the fourth is that we fear we're wrong. Fourth is that we fear we're wrong. We fear that our perspective, our feelings, our needs are inaccurate, partly at times because the other person sees it differently. So we question ourselves. We don't have that strong sense of our own worth, our own perspective as valid, and those four things really keep people from bringing things up.
Speaker 2:And oh, yeah, and I can only assume how detrimental that is to, you know, a relationship. If things aren't being discussed out of fear of all these things that you just mentioned, that there's not really any forward motion in that situation. There's no resolution, there's no forward motion again.
Speaker 1:There's no skill for repairing things and those of us who silence ourselves in that way, it's, it's literally like it's literally killing, with physical disorders and and so on. Um, because it all gets held inside and those emotions go somewhere. It's healthy to get those things out. It's healthy to bring up feelings and needs and to face the fears and to experience wait a minute, no, he can handle it, they can handle it and to learn to come through that.
Speaker 2:And are there techniques and tools and strategies that you use with your clients in your private sessions or perhaps in your workshop as well, which we'll talk about a little bit later on that teaches people how to overcome these fears, or different ways to maybe express themselves, or different ways to maybe express themselves, different ways to communicate, different approaches that they can take if verbally speaking up, for example, is like too debilitating.
Speaker 1:Well, a lot of it is teaching a sense of connection to their own sense of self Okay, connection to their own sense of self, okay. So, for example, one technique that is helpful is when you're feeling that fear of, oh my gosh, I can't bring this up because he's just going to get so upset or she's going to just get so upset I can't bring it up. Take that pause. Right there it is again. We have have to take a pause, recognize I'm feeling that whoosh, I'm feeling that reactivity and literally use your breath to bring yourself down from it to regulate your nervous system.
Speaker 1:And I like to teach people to put their hand on their heart as they take this breath and remind themselves I can handle this, I've got this, because some of that fear is coming from a younger part of themselves or past experiences of not being safe, not being able to handle it. But now they're more resource, they're adults, they're more resource, they have more skills. They may have more support support, especially when they're working with a therapist and relational life therapist, like the work that I do, putting your hand on your heart. I've got this, I can handle this. Fantastic. Yes, it may be simple, but it's very powerful bit of self self-soothing.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, I love that strategy. And so easy to do, right and it only takes a moment. Well, we talked a little bit earlier about attachment styles and having you take us through the different conflict styles. From what I know about attachment styles which isn't a whole lot like I'm definitely not an expert on those but I did notice some some kind of crossover and some similarities, um, but we did have a chat about attachment styles in our prior conversation. You have a different perspective to share on this. That's a little bit different to most, so I'd love for you to share that perspective that you have on attachment styles and how we view those.
Speaker 1:So my different view is not so much on the attachment styles themselves. The research in that is very clear. It's very powerful, it's very real. Where I differ is oftentimes people talk about attachment styles with the expectation that their partner is responsible for interacting with them in a way because of their attachment style. And the way I differ around that is it's not our partner's job, it's our job.
Speaker 1:Relationships are not safe. That's the just harsh reality where relationships are not safe and so a lot of the talk look, it's TikTok talk, it's Instagram talk. This is where you see, like, oh, we'd be making each other safe. It's the other person's responsibility to make you safe. No, relationships aren't safe. They are inherently risky. The best we can do is make them relatively safe. That's a quote directly from my mentor, terry Real. You can't be in a that we have, you know, and our partner not being able to come through for you.
Speaker 1:I'll give you an example. I had a client long ago who was a verbal processor an external processor right long ago, who was a verbal processor, an external processor, right and so she would come home and just dump every thought, feeling and emotion and experience that she'd had of her day and her partner said I can't always be there to hear that we need a different way to do this, and part of the work was helping her recognize that, though this was how she processed things. It was a reasonable request that her partner was having, saying I can't always do that. I can sometimes, but I can't always do that and for her to deal with the disappointment, the grief that comes with my partner not being able to come through on everything for me it's an unrealistic expectation and to find other ways, respectfully within the relationship, to process the way she needs to process. Call a friend, go for a walk, talk into a tape recorder, let it all out. But her partner can have limits and boundaries too. Yeah, too.
Speaker 1:So sometimes what happens is people start to become what we call the victim of their own psychology. Because I'm a verbal processor, I have to do this and so the people around me have to accommodate it. That's not how relationships work. That's not how healthy relationships work. Do things to support each other, do things to support yourself. But the reality is our partners can't be everything we need them to be, and there is grief when it comes to that, and we need to learn to learn to manage our own grief around those things that they can't do for us and without it destroying the relationship whenever possible. There are times when relationships should end and choose to end. There's too many things this person can't provide for me, and so I not good for me to be here. I end the relationship. That's fine, but that's a decision that um is often made uh, too lightly, when there really are ways and skills to learn to manage these things yeah, so it's.
Speaker 2:There's kind of two sides to the coin there, where it's like, many times relationships seem to end. You know there's adversity in the relationship, so people are very quick to leave versus actually sticking it out, facing their stuff, having these tough conversations, having understanding and awareness and actually seeing it through. There's kind of you know, you have kind of two sides to the coin there, and that's a great segue where I'd like the conversation to go. We talk about, you know, in a new relationship we discussed prior that there's so much love in the beginning and there's stages that develop through that. But people are quick to turn away when things get difficult, especially when you're you know, perhaps dating and you're out there meeting different people. But you made a comment that struck me as very interesting. You said that when things start to get difficult, that is really where the actual marriage begins. I'd love for you to explain a little bit more about what you mean by that.
Speaker 1:So the honeymoon phase that everyone is aware of, when you first get into a relationship or even first marry, is also known as love without knowledge. All the flaws that your partner has that bump up against you, that you don't like, we're not seeing them. There's this haze around us, right? Yeah, because of all the newness, because of all the excitement, because of all the curiosity that we have. It's like our brains are built that way. There's a reason it's like that.
Speaker 1:But that settles over time and shifts into a phase of what we call knowledge without love. When you wake up and you look at the other person, you go oh my gosh, what did I get myself into? I have to tolerate this for the rest of my life? Yeah, that's the stuff of marriage. That's what it is. Now, everybody can reach their limit and the stuff they're dealing with they can decide. Call it a relational reckoning, where you sometimes get to the point of am I getting enough from this relationship such that what I'm not getting is worth it? But back to what I was saying before our relationships are not going to meet all of our needs, and so some of it is learning to accept that some realistic acceptance, and learning to negotiate with one another. How do we manage these differences that we have such that we can both live with this? So again it becomes us against the problem rather than us against each other.
Speaker 2:Right, and of course, this is going to be on such an individual, you know, person to person basis. But and you kind of just described it there a little bit more, a little bit, but I'd like to go a little bit further on that I mean, how do you kind of make the decision? Now we're practicing, you know, our decision-making skills and our awareness, having the knowledge and understanding of, okay, these are the pros and cons of kind of this relationship and this person. These are the things I love there's, these are the things I don't love.
Speaker 2:I mean, where do we kind of where's the line in the sand with, you know, continuing to work on it, even though, of course, it's not perfect, because, as you said, no relationship is, um, knowing that and then having you know our boundaries kind of crossed. Do you know what I mean? I don't know if I'm explaining myself properly, but it's like, so, there's conflict in the relationship. At what point do we make the decision that, okay, yes, I'm gonna work on this and it is worth it and I'm gonna continue and I'm gonna seek help, and I'm going, you know, we will seek help, we will, we will make the decision to negotiate and to understand each other versus maybe the cons outweigh the pros and actually like it is probably best to leave this relationship. I mean people can be on the fence for a while. I think kind of on either side, people can be on the fence for a lifetime.
Speaker 1:Right, people can climb up on that fence and be there for a lifetime. It's not an easy thing that we're talking about, yeah, there for a lifetime. It's not an easy thing that we're talking about, yeah, but one of the things you know there's there's the greater um view as well. There's sort of pulling out. How does this impact others around me? It's not just about me, right? Um commitments that are made but often drive people to stay. I made a commitment, so I'm going to stay. I don't encourage anybody to stay in a relationship where there's abuse of course, that's a whole other discussion about that but there's. It's not an easy answer and it is often helpful to have a therapist working with you to help you figure that out. And only you can decide right. No one else can decide that for you. Each person has to decide that for themselves. So I wish I had a simpler answer, straightforward. Oh, you do this.
Speaker 1:This is how you decide if this is happening, then this is no that there's it's. There's nuance here. Yes, this is a gray area. We like to put things in boxes, we like to make things black or white, and that gets us in trouble all the time.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, it does Some very powerful questions, though that you just described, you know, kind of self-reflection and things to ask ourselves and things to look at. All throughout this conversation, there's been so many great takeaways, so many things to reflect on and digest. You are working in real life. You're doing a workshop coming up where you share all of your expertise and your strategies and all of these examples and scripts that you shared with us here today. Of course, in more depth, it's a two-day relationship skills boot camp in Annapolis, maryland, and that's coming up mid-October, the 19th and the 20th. I'd love for you to share a little bit more about your boot camp and what people get from going through participating in the bootcamp. What is the outcome and this is something that you do on a regular basis as well is it or this is a one-off bootcamp?
Speaker 1:We do this twice a year, okay, and so if you miss this one, you got to wait till 2025. This is the last one of this year and we teach you the skills. We teach you the skills of how to manage conflict. We teach you the skills of connection to yourself, like I mentioned before briefly about self-esteem and boundaries we talk a lot about that and help you learn to navigate conflict in a much healthier way, because it's inevitable, it's going to be there and so, rather than simmering in dishonest harmony, we help you move into true intimacy where both people have a voice and feel seen and heard. That that's the goal, that's the outcome to work towards. But look, I'm not saying that. Come to this boot camp and automatically, once you finish, you're continually work on, just like a yoga practice or just like a exercise routine. Right, it's something you're constantly doing refining, getting stronger at, and so on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a practice. So the foundations are there and then it's up to the individual to to go and implement those, and this is not just for couples as well, is that correct?
Speaker 1:correct. It's for couples, individuals, uh yeah, you can come by yourself, you can come with your partner, you can bring a friend, and there's a discount for coming with somebody rather than coming alone. But all of that information is available on the website, so I'd love to see some of your listeners attend.
Speaker 2:So the dates you have for the workshop are October 19th and 20th, and there is a special offer that's still valid now. Why don't you tell us what that is?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's right. We have early bird pricing available until September 19th and with that pricing you can save up to $400 on your registration.
Speaker 2:So it's worth it to jump on it, fantastic, yeah. And if this is resonating you, if the conversation that we had here today is resonating with you, I highly encourage you to reach out head over to the website. You can contact Risa directly if you have any questions about the workshop, and your registration link is all there on the web page. Any final thoughts, risa, before we wrap up, and any other ways of contact that people can find you if you're active on any other social media sites, etc yeah, you can find me.
Speaker 1:my website is togethercouplescounselingcom and that's my handle on instagram as well together couples counseling and facebook as well. The thing that I hope all of your listeners come away with is that it is our relationships that matter most in our lives, and so learning to do them better is essential, and it will improve your health, improve your longevity. So it matters and it's worth it, investing in it Fantastic.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for sharing that. Thank you so much for taking the time to have a conversation with me here today. Like I said, very powerful, so many takeaways and some incredible things for people to start implementing right away and some strategies for them to start practicing. So, thank you, I really appreciate you being here. Thanks for having me, it's fun to chat with you.
Speaker 2:That's a wrap on today's episode. I am beyond grateful for your participation in today's conversation. I hope you enjoyed today's guest on the Emotions Untapped podcast. My intention is that the information shared here today has inspired you to deepen your understanding of emotional intelligence and how it can benefit your life. If you have any questions about today's episode, you can DM us on Instagram, at emotionsuntapped, and check the show notes for any and all resources mentioned in today's episode. You can DM us on Instagram at emotionsuntapped and check the show notes for any and all resources mentioned in today's show. You can also reach out to today's guest through the links provided. I'm Livia Lauder. See you next time on Emotions Untapped.