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Emotions Untapped
Welcome to the Emotions Untapped podcast, the show where we uncover all the information you need to better understand, use and manage your emotions in a positive way. When we understand our thoughts feelings and emotions we not only become more familiar with ourselves but also can foster healthier relationships with others. If you're aim is to relieve stress, communicate effectively and defuse conflict, empathise with others, overcome challenges and overall just have more meaningful relationships, then you've come to the right place. If you are searching for direction and more fulfillment in your life then the Emotions Untapped podcast was made for you. Each week we sit souind with therapists, experts, thought leaders, healers and so many more to bring you the tools and insights you need to start living a more emotionally intelligent life now.
Emotions Untapped
#012 Healing Generational Trauma PART 1: Emotional Intelligence and Single Motherhood
What if the emotional intelligence you develop today could heal not just your own trauma, but also break the cycles affecting future generations? Join us as we explore this transformative journey with Rachel Abbey, who opens up about her experiences with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) while raising four children. Rachel's story underscores the importance of emotional regulation and the significant role her in-laws play in her recovery, offering a compelling narrative on the intersection of healing and single motherhood.
Rachel shares intimate details from her life, including the adaptive responses known as the "four Fs"—fawn, flight, freeze, and fight—that helped her navigate years of trauma. She provides valuable insights into how emotional intelligence and self-compassion can shift internal experiences without changing external circumstances. From managing the overwhelming responsibilities of single motherhood to homeschooling, Rachel's journey is a testament to moving from a state of constant struggle to one of enjoyment and fulfillment.
Parenting is evolving, and Rachel discusses the nuances of breaking generational trauma rooted in her deeply religious upbringing. She recounts pivotal moments from her childhood that led to her becoming parentified and adopting perfectionist tendencies. Sharing her determination to break the cycle of emotional detachment for her children’s sake, Rachel highlights the importance of vulnerability, self-reflection, and adaptability in parenting. Join us for this enlightening conversation that offers tools for cultivating emotional intelligence and healing across generations.
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Because I never took the time to heal, I ended up just creating the same levels of trauma that I had just in different parts of my life as I continued. Whether it was friendships or marriage or anything. There's a difference between a body who's in motion and a person who's there to offer connection and ability, and I was finding myself that I was becoming that vacancy and that moment is what broke me as a whole. I feel like parents do the best they can and that level of where that best they can is that can very much change. But how I like to view it is, my parents broke the things that they could break, what they were capable of, what they were willing to face, and they did what they could do.
Speaker 1:And I'm standing on their back and I'm trying to do what I can do and I cannot wait and I tell my kids on a regular basis if you decide to have kids, you're gonna be so much better of a mom or so much better than a dad or parent than I would be, because you're going to get to learn the things that I learned, and then you're gonna be able to learn more and build off of it If you're constantly standing here and looking at the gap from here to where you want to be and all you're doing is staring at that gap. It's again focused on the thing that you're wanting, but in a negative light, versus if you're seeing that gap and being encouraged by that gap by stopping going. Okay, but I did change this small thing. Let's take time to celebrate this small thing.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Emotions Untapped podcast. I'm your host, livia Lauder. This is the show where we explore the power of emotional intelligence in our personal and professional lives In this community. We dive into conversations with experts and thought leaders from a variety of fields to gain insights, strategies and tools for cultivating emotional intelligence or EQ for short. It gives me so much joy to create this show for you, to bring value and resources to you on your journey. I'd love your support in helping us create an even bigger impact. Just leave a five-star review and share this episode with a friend so we can continue to help others improve their lives by improving their emotional health. Now hit that subscribe button and let's dive in.
Speaker 2:Rachel Abbey is the star of the show today. I actually found her while scrolling Instagram. She was talking about emotional regulation. Absolutely loved your energy, loved what you had to say and how you said it and I knew right away I wanted to bring you on the show. So Rachel's been on her own extensive healing journey post-trauma and is now a single mama with so much value to share and authenticity in how she shares it. So we are going to talk today about you know the real raw process and how it actually looks and feels Nervous system regulation, emotional regulation, mindset recovery from CPTSD as well. So let's dive right in, let's get started.
Speaker 1:Thanks so much for being on the show Thanks for having me, of course.
Speaker 2:How have you been since the last time I spoke to you?
Speaker 1:Honestly, pretty good. I had a blessing of having wonderful grandparents that are my in-laws and I got to have a little reprieve and do some de-stressing and re-centering for myself for a couple of days and it set me up to get my kids back and be able to invest better in myself and them, having had the little break. So it was really nice. Honestly, it happened right after I talked with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, perfect, yeah, so a real filling your own cup moment then, yeah, no, it was quite nice.
Speaker 1:I have a very, very good blessing in my in-laws and how sweet and invested they are.
Speaker 2:Well, it takes a village, right, as they say. So yeah, for sure, and you have your own little village. I mean, you have four kids between the age of nine and three. That is a lot to handle. So I mean, we're, you know you're working on your own healing and your own emotional regulation and then also working, you know, with and as a mom, being there for them and helping them through it all. So I'm curious on what your thoughts and feelings are around emotional, emotional intelligence itself. What does being emotionally intelligent mean to you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you can look up the definition, of course, and I'm sure it says something along the lines of understanding and being able to process and feel your own feelings and also be aware of other people's feelings. Right, I assume it's going to be something along those lines. Yeah, but the application to life. I feel like emotional intelligence is literally the bead line that connects your ability to literally go from survival to thriving, based on how you apply it. Because if you're in the place of you have CPTSD or any other types of like trauma where you end up engaging with your you know four Fs right, your fawn, your flight, your freeze and your fight right, if you engage with the stressors, you're engaging with emotional intelligence to some level. Right, your body is responding, even if you're not aware of it, but those are survival techniques that aren't intended for you to be applying it in the thriving way. But if you take that comprehension of like, say, you're a fawn, right, you're constantly training your brain to pay attention to everyone's tiny micro expression, but you're responding to it in a stressed way, versus taking that same superpower of being able to absorb and see where other people's feelings are and instead of taking them onto you and pulling them into your own stress. If you instead see it and are able to meet someone outside of yourself, like where you don't pull that stress into you but you are able to respond to them with empathy, but without it encompassing you, and that happens by creating space for yourself, which is a whole, nother thing. But when you do that, that's where you can take that and go from surviving to just enjoying the sometimes what feels like awful, like, I think, the biggest difference between somebody who is in a crappy situation and feeling like they're barely surviving and like an endless supply of things that like whether it's um depression or anxiety, or like how it manifests, can be different. But that person in that exact same situation, when they apply emotional intelligence and compassion to themselves, that situation doesn't actually have to change. But them, they in it, can drastically change.
Speaker 1:And for me, my life is living proof of that. Two years ago my life fell apart and I was depressed and horrible. And I was a single mom. I had four kids, I was homeschooling, I was completely overwhelmed. Fast forward two years and I was barely surviving. I'm still a single mom, I'm still homeschooling, I'm still running a business while I'm homeschooling. I up until like six months ago, my in-laws didn't live here and I was by myself. Nothing had changed really six months ago from two years ago, but I changed. So I went from surviving because of my not having grace for myself and my just continuing to cope and respond to things in the same way I had been in that stress to learning how to have space for myself, learning to apply that emotional intelligence to my life and who I am, so that I could, instead of barely surviving and keeping my head above water and feeling like I was constantly drowning, to literally just enjoying the swim. I'm hearing the analogy or whatever. So for me, that's what emotional intelligence is.
Speaker 2:It's the truth that you can apply in your life as a survival where you're just like batting things away, or it's a thing that you can pull into yourself and change everything about how you are in your world, even if the external doesn't yeah, I love that that's so beautifully said and I love the description of kind of the transition right from going from that, that first part, where it's kind of like, oh, it's happening to me, to you applying the same principles but actually looking at it from a different perspective and almost like using it as a tool to learn and to grow.
Speaker 2:And I mean you have a lot of knowledge and understanding about this. In our pre-interview you mentioned that you've read a lot of, you know psychology, you've done a lot of study in that field, um, and you use that to help you on your journey. Let's talk about CPTSD. Let's talk a little bit more about what that is, what your experience was with that, because I think your personal story you know, if we get into your personal story a little bit, the rest is going to you know the level of understanding of how actually you overcame these challenges and started to change your awareness, really open up your awareness and really become this like newer, elevated version of you. It's going to, it's going to all tie in really nicely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, definitely. I mean you can't know what somebody is or who somebody is without being able to see the transition that happened. So, first off, cptsd is literally just complex post-traumatic stress disorder. So most people know what PTSD is right Because of soldiers are coming back. It complex, literally, is just when you are in a traumatic situation that you have no escape from. It compounds and becomes very complex in how you respond to things. This can happen in a lot of different situations. Most common is childhood, because there's very few situations in your life where you are stuck like Chuck and you don't have an option, and childhood is one of them. It can also happen in really bad abusive relationships or partnerships or marriages, but the most common is in childhood, and so it's literally just if you have ever been in a traumatic situation where you didn't feel like you had any escape and you were stuck for a very long time, that's what will cause CPTSD.
Speaker 1:There's so many different books I can actually send a link to. There's a free like rendition of a guy who just like reads a book about it. That was extremely helpful for me. I own the book now but, like how I started reading it was listening to it free on YouTube because I had no money and I needed, like, something to help. And learning about it for me was, and the reason I went so deep into all the different like books that I read was simply because, for me to comprehend, it helped me to like, own it. Like, own it. It helped me to like, wrap my brain around it, because sometimes, like, a great example of this is gaslighting. Right, if you've ever experienced gaslighting and you didn't know the term gaslighting, gaslighting is essentially when somebody is lying to you, but they're not just lying, it's lying to you and manipulating your brain in a way that makes you feel like you're crazy. Right, and so, before I knew the term gaslighting, when you say he lied or she lied, it feels so empty and so vacant, it feels so like not enough, and it makes you feel even more crazy by just saying he lied, because everybody else is like yeah, but like you know, it's just a lie, but you don't like. When you, when I got the word gaslight, it was a way for me to like no, I'm, I'm not crazy, this is crazy, and it was able like, so those terms for me, not because I needed a box or that you have to be in a box, but sometimes just comprehending what you went through and knowing that it's more than just the term, the little languages that we have, right. It's kind of like when you're teaching your kids words or you're learning vocabulary words and you could say something's cold, right, but there's a lot difference when you're talking about it being frigid, there's more description, there's more understanding Same thing, anyway. Frigid, there's more description, there's more understanding Same thing, anyway.
Speaker 1:So my personal experience with CPTSD is kind of extensive, unfortunately, I guess positively, because I get to talk about it and help people who might have been the same thing. But I was raised really, really religiously and that comes with its own level of trauma, because church itself can be it's a long trauma, festive, awesome, depending on your church. The experience I was in was very religious, and so there was that Both of my parents came from very traumatic childhoods and, as we all know, hurt people, hurt people, and they did an amazing job of giving a step up from their childhood. Hurt people, hurt people, and they did an amazing job of giving a step up from their childhood. But there was a lot of not okay, and so for me I realized that I was alone on this world. And then I had to like the term is become parentified. I had to be with my own adult for myself, nobody else to take care of me.
Speaker 1:Definitively, the quintessential moment was I was six and I had gotten hurt. It was like playing outside and it wasn't like a tremendous, like this horribly traumatic situation, but I had been hurt enough. I was bleeding pretty bad and I walked into the tiny apartment we lived in at the time and my mom was sitting on the couch and completely vacant. She was in the midst of having an emotional breakdown and at six years old I knew exactly that she was in that emotional breakdown. I didn't know the term emotional breakdown, but I knew she was in a bad place and I knew why and I thought it was reasonable as a six-year-old. I hurt for my mom, knew why and I thought it was reasonable as a six-year-old I hurt for my mom. But in that moment I walked in and I felt so completely abandoned that I knew I was on my own and that's just like a taste example.
Speaker 1:And it wasn't that my parents were awful. They did so much better than they had. But two things can be true. It can be they did the best they could and it can also beigmas that went around. My dad was from industrial Cleveland, where there's a lot of stigmas based off of stereotypes and affluence and the impacts of all of those. You can understand the backgrounds of religious and not seen, not heard.
Speaker 1:I was definitely raised by boomers and it all plays a part in I knew that in order for me to handle and do life, I had to make sure that I had to protect my sister and I had to protect myself, and that if I wanted to be safe, I couldn't depend on anybody else for that, and that, in order for me to do the best I could, meant that I had to be perfect. So any fellow perfectionists out there, I'm with you but of course, like most people who have so much fun in their background and their childhood is, you take those traumas, those things, those weights, and you start like pulling them into yourself instead of it being, I learned, too fun because I knew that if my parents were happy that I would have less stress, I would be less likely to have bad things happen. It can be, but instead it became a thing that you pull into yourself. Right, the fact that you do that and the fact that you are. That are two very different things. But how we usually cope is you act shy and therefore I am shy, though it's not truth. You can both be shy and you can be bold, because you take actions that are shy and actions that are bold. But when you take that onto yourself and you start seeing yourself in that perspective, you end up looking out in the world and you find that same crazy. If you get married young and I got married young and because I never took the time to heal, I ended up just creating. Because I never took the time to heal, I ended up just creating the same levels of trauma that I had just in different parts of my life.
Speaker 1:As it continued whether it was friendships or marriage or anything and it wasn't until two years ago, or at this point I guess it's almost three years ago I found myself alone, after having been put in a place where one of the main principles, if you are raised as a perfectionist, as a fawn in a religious household, is you never, ever, ever can hurt someone right. And I was put in a place where I had to make a choice that was going to hurt. No matter what I chose, it was going to hurt somebody. No matter what I chose, it was going to hurt somebody. And that reality of being forced to, even if I didn't make the choice, I was hurting people. So there was no abdication, there was no. So I'm in a like no one scenario and being forced to do something that is against the very core of what I'd always been raised as to do something that is against the very core of what I'd always been raised as I found myself completely depressed. I was getting divorced and I never, ever wanted that.
Speaker 1:I was alone for the first time in my life, never having somebody to fawn to and didn't know what to do with myself, because I just was an empty sock filled with the people around me instead of having a persona of myself. And then, because of that memory when I was six, and feeling so completely abandoned, I never wanted to have my kids have that experience. And I found myself, three years ago, so desperately sad at everything I'd gone through and unable to quantify my praying that I started to become that vacancy. I started to become that shell. All I wanted to do was sleep. I was checking the boxes of being the mother of. Here's the food, here's the thing, I'll give you a hug. But there's a difference between a body who's in motion and a person who's there to offer connection and ability.
Speaker 1:And I was finding myself that I was becoming that vacancy, and that moment is what broke me. That's the moment, quintessentially, where I stood there and I was like that's the moment, quintessentially, where I stood there and I was like, fuck, all this shit's not continuing, I'm not doing this to my kids and that, for me, that was literally the break, where you're like, you realize, like you've fallen all the way to the base and the bottom of the well, and for me, it was facing the fact that I'm about to become my worst nightmare to kids that never, ever, needed that. That made me be willing to face the mirror. That's the saying you can only heal as much as you're willing to stare in the mirror and not walk away.
Speaker 1:And that was the moment for me that I was like, okay, I don't care what's ugly, I don't care what's there, I don't care how painful this is, I'm not walking away. What's there, I don't care how painful this is, I'm not walking away. And it's because of that moment and because of my amazing kids, because I swear to everything if I didn't have children. I don't know that I would have ever made that choice, because I was, so I could now. But I'm a different person now, but I was so used to doing something, everything for other people I don't know if I could have made the choice for myself, and so, as messed up as that might be, I'm glad that I was able to choose it for them, because now I can choose it for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, wow, thank you for sharing so vulnerably and wow, there's so much in that I want to unpack. We'll be right back after a quick break. I hope you're loving the show so far. This podcast is all about bringing value to the collective. You're here because you're looking to gain insights, strategies and tools for cultivating your emotional intelligence. Join our community online, where we share even more valuable resources to help you grow and thrive. Links in the show notes. And hey, we love hearing from you. Share this episode in your stories and tag us at emotionsuntapped. Let us know what your biggest takeaway is from today's show.
Speaker 2:All right, let's get back to it. You know, the one thing that comes to mind is like I actually just want to celebrate you and congratulate you for being, you know, the cycle breaker and the change maker in the family. Like you mentioned early on in that story that the way your parents were raised, like they had their own trauma that came from their parents, and it really seems like there are a couple of really significant things in there and patterns of behavior that probably were generational trauma. Right, and here you are, like having that line in the sand moment where you're just saying, no, you're not going to pass that on anymore and like that's hard, that is hard. Like it's one thing to come to that realization, to have that awareness, and then have that moment and make that decision, and then it's a totally other thing to actually follow through and do the work. And here you are doing it and I love you know, like I said, I found you scrolling on Instagram. Like I love all the things that you share. It is so vulnerable and it's so real and it's so raw and you have this beautiful way of sharing from a place of like not being in it, but it being there, right, and you sharing from a place of like yeah, I don't I some things. I got figured out some other things. I'm kind of still working on it, but like, here's what I think and feel about it and this is kind of what's happening right now around that thing, right, and I think that's so beautiful but, yeah, a huge, you know, respect to you for being that person, because that is it's a big deal. You know it's a really big deal and it's it's so interesting.
Speaker 2:We talked a little bit about this um last week, about the difference between the way our parents raised us versus how they were raised by their parents and, as every generation goes, it's exponential. The way that parenting is changing right, like the way that you're parenting your kids, is so exponential. The way that parenting is changing right, like the way that you're parenting your kids, is so unlike the way your parents parented you, more unlike than how their parents parented them. And I think, for those reasons, it's the work that you're doing is one a lot harder and two, so much more important and like needed now more than ever because of that huge gap, right, that huge change. So I just, yeah, my heart goes out to you. I'm sending you so much love, like I honestly commend you for like being that person, because if it wasn't you, then perhaps you know who knows how long it continues to get passed down you know who knows how long it continues to get passed down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like every parent that gives a couple of cents, like there are parents who don't, who don't care right, they exist, unfortunately. I've met people that are those parents. But as a whole, I feel like parents do the best they can and that level of where that best they can is do the best they can, and that level of where that best they can is, that can very much change. But how I like to view it is my parents broke the things that they could break, what they were capable of, what they were willing to face, and they did what they could do.
Speaker 1:And I'm standing on their back and I'm trying to do what I can do and I cannot wait and I tell my kids on a regular basis if you decide to have kids, you're going to be so much better of a mom or so much better than a dad or parent than I would be, because you're going to get to learn the things that I learned and then you're going to be able to learn more and build off of it. And that to me, that creating each iteration where we get to learn and adjust, and, yeah, I'm going to be doing something different than my parents did, both positive and negative, I'm sure, and my kids are going to probably do the same thing, but the process of it isn't being perfect, isn't having it all figured out, but it's being willing to address and look at your parenting and see the effects and call yourself into question Like is this working? Is this going? Is this helping them? Is this frustrating them? Is this what?
Speaker 1:What is my trajectory? What is my focus? What is something that I want my kids to when they're an adult? What are the foundational things? And I think for each parent those are going to be slightly adjusted, but I definitely love the idea of building that. What I have to offer is the base of where my kids get to start, if they have kids, in the same way that I was able to build off the base of my parents.
Speaker 2:I love that and I'm wondering if, like that perspective and that mindset around it kind of takes the pressure off a little bit, you know, so that you're kind of not sitting there going, oh man, I've got to. You know, I've got to change all this like. All this stuff that like is a part of who I am. I've got to like flip the script for them so that they can, like you know, launch off and it's kind of like it doesn't have to be so drastic, like just to have that mindset around. This is just like the next step, like I'm just like the next building block, and then they can continue. I wonder if that like takes a little bit of the pressure and anxiety away.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, it does to a certain degree. So I think one of the best ways to look at it is no matter what you do, you're human and so when you're in this world being human, you're going to mess up, whether you have kids or you don't have kids. When you engage with any person, there is a risk of failure because you're not perfect. But when you're raising humans, it's like magnified, because you have a tiny person who's literally watching every move you make and they're going to mirror it back to you. So if your kids are doing something you don't like, spoilers, it's probably your behavior, so you can stop and go. Oh, why? Why does that piss me off? Oh, what is it showing me? What? Like you know, getting curious or whatever, but I think that it definitely when you, when you stop trying to be perfect and you stop trying to counter parent because I sometimes think that's what happens when you have parents that parented in a way you don't like. Right, natural instinct is to do like the pendulum swing right, like it's. If you had a problem with, like, eating Oreos, right, as somebody who has had an eating disorder, I was a person who, like you, open the sleeve of Oreos and I ate, the entire case, right. So my pendulum swing is I don't keep Oreos in the house because I don't trust myself with Oreos, right. But we can do that when it comes to anything and parenting is part of that, right? So if you do this idea of I'm not going to parent how they parented and you focus on what you don't want spoilers, whether or not it looks the same, you're going to get the same results. Usually because you're staring at what you don't want, versus. If you say, okay, what do I want? And you may not do it, perfect. But if you're focused over here, being like man, I really want my kids to know that they are loved at all times, no matter their behavior, that they can fail and I'm going to be there cheering them on. I want them to feel safe at all times, like whatever it is. If you focus on that, your parenting may match or may not match on certain things of your past, but you're much more likely to get closer to where you want to be because you're focused on where you want to be. And I think the combination of just owning the fact that you're going to mess up and then shifting from the negative, which is what we're tensing Like. If you stop and you thought, like, what are my five biggest strengths? Most people can't name it, but if you ask them what their five biggest weaknesses are, they'll start rattling that ish off, right. The same thing is true with parenting.
Speaker 1:A lot of people can say exactly what they don't want, but every time you focus on the things you don't like about yourself, the things you don't like about your parenting, the things you, any negative begets you, focusing in on it, just like it's a reticular activating system in your brain, right, it's like when you have a car yes, okay, so you have this car you never owned before, and then you see it on the road everywhere. That is the part of your brain saying, hey, it's not important, let's, let's, let's show it everywhere. It's over here, it's over there. The same way, when you focus on those negatives, all you're going to start seeing in life are those negatives, whether it's your pessimism on the thing or their behavior matching it versus. If you shift and decide, no, these things that I want, it's not the car I have right now, it's the car that I want to own, and your brain starts focusing in on that, you're going to start seeing it more, it's going to start becoming easier and you're actually going to get more towards it.
Speaker 1:But the combination of those two things for me, like just owning and saying sorry and shifting away from I don't want that, I want this I think, were the two things that really made a big difference in me adjusting my parenting Cause as a person in the process of healing how I parent my kids now vastly different than four years ago, because I'm a vastly different person with vastly different understanding about the implications of my parenting and the effects it has on their tiny brains. Like I just parented based on behavior, which isn't the best factor for tiny people, because they can. They can, they can behave if they're terrified enough, right, but that doesn't mean that you're actually helping them long term. But yeah, so it's the owning, it's apologizing, it's the willing to adjust behavior.
Speaker 2:Like not thinking you have it figured out. Yeah, and there's a lot of you know, there's a huge level of self-awareness in there and I think that's something that it takes a bit of work and it takes practice and it takes discipline to shift your mindset right. Like you described, it's so much we focus on what we don't want, like I don't have children, I don't intend on having children. That may change, I'm open to that, et cetera, but I do. I do think that I'm probably not going to. That's what's in the forefront of my mind at the moment. However, when I'm in a restaurant or something and I see like a two-year-old on the iPad, I'm like I'm never going to give my kid an iPad in a restaurant. You know, like it's what I'm not going to do if I have these hypothetical children or, you know, potentially have these children.
Speaker 1:So it's a natural tendency, like we even do so natural.
Speaker 1:We have to flip it like it takes work to flip it, oh yeah, but I mean, it's a natural instinct even to do it yourself.
Speaker 1:Think about when you have a to-do list. Right, when you have a to-do list and you have 10 things on your to-do list, at the end of the day, if you got through seven of those things on the to-do list, is your focus on the fact you got through seven of them or is it focused on the fact I didn't get to those three? Most people in the world it's the three you didn't do. It's the focus on the gap and that's part of I think the biggest learning curve. For me in the healing process has been the enormously human and frustrating part of unlearning that behavior. It's the. You can't learn and heal and grow and expect your body to like do those changes one very quickly because you're untraining what has been years of your body doing something else. But on top of that, if you're constantly standing here and looking at the gap from here to where you want to be and all you're doing is staring at that gap, it's again focused on the thing that you're wanting, but in a negative light, versus if you're seeing that gap and being encouraged by that gap by stopping going. Okay, but I did change this small thing. Let's take time to celebrate this small thing. It can be a tiny. It can be a tiny thing. It can literally be.
Speaker 1:I thought about writing in my journal today. You didn't do it, but the fact that you thought about it, that is bigger than before, when you had never even considered writing a journal. If that's a thing you want to do, it's. I got my running shoes on, you got them on. That's good, like the more you focus and shift from that gap. I didn't do those three things. You got seven done. Yeah, yeah, exactly that. That adjustment is huge in actual practice of doing it, but it's huge in its implication for you actually being able to get. You want to get there. You want to get to the 10 list done. Then start celebrating the seven, start celebrating the two. You got 10. You only got two done. Celebrate, like any progress forward is something to be celebrated.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I totally agree. That's such a good way to look at it and it's such a simplified like analogy that it's so easy to understand. That's yes, I love it. This conversation was so juicy and went a little longer than they normally do, so I decided to cut it down into two different parts, so tune in next week to hear the rest of this conversation in part two, with Rachel Abbey. That's a wrap on today's episode. I am beyond grateful for your participation in today's conversation. I hope you enjoyed today's guest on the Emotions Untapped podcast. My intention is that the information shared here today has inspired you to deepen your understanding of emotional intelligence and how it can benefit your life. If you have any questions about today's episode, you can DM us on Instagram at emotionsuntapped and check the show notes for any and all resources mentioned in today's show. You can also reach out to today's guest through the links provided. I'm Livia Lauder. See you next time on Emotions Untapped.