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Emotions Untapped
Welcome to the Emotions Untapped podcast, the show where we uncover all the information you need to better understand, use and manage your emotions in a positive way. When we understand our thoughts feelings and emotions we not only become more familiar with ourselves but also can foster healthier relationships with others. If you're aim is to relieve stress, communicate effectively and defuse conflict, empathise with others, overcome challenges and overall just have more meaningful relationships, then you've come to the right place. If you are searching for direction and more fulfillment in your life then the Emotions Untapped podcast was made for you. Each week we sit souind with therapists, experts, thought leaders, healers and so many more to bring you the tools and insights you need to start living a more emotionally intelligent life now.
Emotions Untapped
#016 PART 2: Navigating Self-Doubt; Embracing Imposter Syndrome and Silencing the Inner Critic with Shaun Spencer
"After years of navigating the tumultuous seas of self-doubt, I discovered a hidden ally: the Rubik's Cube." Joining me on this revealing journey is Shaun Spencer, who sheds light on imposter syndrome—a nagging feeling that, surprisingly, might signal you're on the brink of greatness. Sean's personal shift from basketball to track exemplifies how pervasive self-doubt can be, even for the most talented among us. Together, we unravel the complexities of imposter syndrome in our digital age, where social media often magnifies our insecurities, and explore practical strategies to silence that inner critic.
Meanwhile, my own tale takes a twist from Olympic-level pressures to finding solace in the colorful twists of a Rubik's Cube. What started as a simple mental challenge with friends evolved into a powerful tool for managing anxiety. Faced with a tense situation on the New York train, the cube taught me patience and adaptability—lessons that inspired my book, "One Turn at a Time." Join us as we share insights on mastering anxiety, enhancing mental clarity, and embracing life's intricate challenges with newfound appreciation.
You can find out more about Shaun Spencer on his website and connect with him on social media:
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Welcome to the Emotions Untapped podcast. I'm your host, livia Lauder. This is the show where we explore the power of our thoughts, feelings and emotions and how they create our personal and professional realities In this community. We dive into better understanding, using and managing these elements of ourselves so we can live healthier, better balanced and less overwhelming lives. You'll hear conversations with experts and thought leaders from a variety of fields here to help you gain insights, strategies and tools for building and upgrading your emotional awareness and regulation techniques, and there will be a couple solo episodes with yours truly. It brings me so much joy to share this information with you, to connect with you and guide you on your journey. If you're ready to start doing the work, you can download our free seven-step guide to improving your emotional health right now. Just go to wwweqnationorg. Now let's dive in. This is part two of the episode with Sean Spencer. Be sure to head to the previous episode to check out part one.
Speaker 1:So something that you mentioned earlier you were talking about, you know specifically back to kind of kids and young men. You know this digital age that we live in and seeing things on social media and we talked in our pre-interview and as well as around a lot of the work that you do and coming from a lot of your own personal experiences, as well as around a lot of the work that you do and coming from a lot of your own personal experiences, kind of that anxiety and the imposter syndrome that not just young men but young women, adult women, adult men, really all of us experience imposter syndrome, comparing ourselves to that which we see on the Internet, to others, perhaps in our industry or on our team or you know wherever we can kind of compare ourselves to others. That comes up a lot now, especially because we're in this digital age. How do you kind of help clients and even perhaps how you've coached yourself along the way or received coaching from others to handle imposter syndrome and the anxiety that kind of comes with that?
Speaker 2:So I always tell a lot of people people, if you're feeling imposter syndrome for something that you want to do and it feels great, it's because you're supposed to be doing that a lot imposter syndrome comes from. I always tell people come from seeing so many fakes and frauds. Like you, I'm sure you sat there and listened to someone speak or talk about this, this and that and you're just like this person has no clue what they're doing, and especially youtube and social media. You're just like what are they talking? That's not it, that's. But then when it's your time, your turn your time. You think about okay, I don't want to be seen as as fraud, so then you try to be perfect. In my instance, it takes me 10 days to do one video, because one of my challenges, which I've been open about, is doing video. You and I conversation. I can do this for the next 50 years, no problem. But setting up a camera and say okay, and let's talk to an empty room and making it. I have a challenge with that when I was training for the Olympics, huge imposter syndrome. Why? Because I was a basketball player, but I knew I was good enough to be a track ad. I had the talent. I had the skills, no problem, I'm a super athletic. But I was like, oh, they're going to see me as this guy. He's a basketball player. What does he know about track? These are all things that we make up in our head.
Speaker 2:One of my athletes I tell this story a lot. When I was speaking in Utah, I told the story of one of my athletes, first year triple jumper we talked about that had done great, great progress and got some championships and all he needed to make it to nationals was to jump 52 feet. So first jump, seconds up, third jump was pretty good close. So on his last jump it's one of those situations with everything's perfect you hear a pin. You feel like this is it. He goes First jump, second jump, third and I'm from this angle here so I can see his face and right in that moment, when he's in midair getting ready to come down, I see his eyes start looking around the room and you know from an athlete, you break that concentration, it's over and I'm like no, and then, instead of landing, he just brings his feet down and lands on his feet and runs out.
Speaker 2:So I talked to him and everyone's like, oh my gosh, he did this and he wasn't prepared to be the best Right. The anxiety got to him and I'm like and pasta, oh well, am I really ready for this moment? I asked him how did you feel? He's like I didn't feel anything. I said well, in your jump. He said I felt like I was in the clouds. And I said then what happened? He said, but then I was unsure. Oh, there it is. He was more than capable, so I told him. I said would you like to know where you came down at with your feet? And he was like yeah.
Speaker 2:I said you came down at 51.5, half an inch from the marker. So had he kept his feet up he'd have qualified. He'd have probably jumped 54, 55 feet and it would have been a record and it would have lost him to nationals Right. But because of that I don't know if I'm good enough to do this he backed out of the jump mid-jump.
Speaker 2:Yeah Of course he qualified later on, but that was one of those defining moments where everyone was like this is your chance to beat the best in the conference. And he didn't think he was ready.
Speaker 1:It was in his mind.
Speaker 2:It was all in his mind. Yeah, it was all in his mind. The imposter syndrome it's one of those Again, most people who have it because you're right where you need to be. You're right where you need to be. You only have it because you have the gift, you're capable of doing it, but you're worried about how other people are going to perceive you. That's all that is. It has nothing about your ability to do it or not. It's what are people going to say about me? How are they going to see me? I'm recording these videos. They're going to look at me and be like about me. How are they going to see me? I'm recording these videos. They're going to look at me and be like oh, there's another guy on YouTube, another guy on this. You start thinking about those things, not how great you are, not how much. There's millions of people who need to hear what you have to say. It's all in here. You're making it up. None of this hasn't happened.
Speaker 1:We'll be right back after a quick break. It hasn't happened. We'll be right back after a quick break. I hope you're loving the show so far.
Speaker 1:The personal development journey can feel lonely sometimes, but it doesn't have to. We are here to help each other succeed at figuring out this whole growth thing. So come be a part of the conversation at wwweqnationorg. There you'll find links to our free community, which is full of valuable resources to get you feeling unstuck, less stressed and more connected to yourself and the people around you. And if this podcast does bring you value which I'm sure it will chances are it will do the same for someone else in your life. We are all about bringing value to the collective.
Speaker 1:So share this episode directly with a friend or pop it on your socials with your biggest aha moment from today's show, and don't forget to tag us at Livia Lauder. That's L-I-V-I-A dot, l-o-w-d-e-r. Right, let's get back to it. So how do we shift that focus, then, from instead of that feeling of you know I'm not ready, I'm not, you know it's not my time, or it's not you know, like all of the negative thoughts that are going to feed that imposter syndrome, like, is it just a mindset shift? Is it just where we focus our thoughts? Is there something else deeper? You know another, say modality or other work that needs to be done there.
Speaker 2:In some cases I would say mindset, but in this, when it comes to imposter syndrome, I'm going to take it deeper Love yourself, be okay with yourself, accept who you are. You know, and that's actually something I learned recently from a really good friend, a trainer, and you know we'll just bounce ideas and talk about random stuff, and I was telling her how I was struggling with these videos and she said you don't love yourself enough, which of course, I love myself. What do you mean? You said you know you're worried about how you're going to look, how people are going to see you. It's not important.
Speaker 2:You think the people are shooting those videos and doing certain things. You think they're worried about people, how they're going to receive you. Yeah, there might be one or two people that's like oh, wow, look. But what about the other hundreds of thousands or millions of people who are looking for something different, something real? And you're real, you're not an imitation of what people are imitating, the frauds that you see out there. They're trying to be you. That's what they're trying to do. Right, accept yourself, love yourself and then from there it's like okay, let's have some fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Before we connected what you see here. Lily was a bedroom and I answered okay, let's create a whole studio, let's set it up, let's just have fun. This is not about being sisters Having fun and just talking. Connecting your experiences, whatever you're doing, connecting your life, telling the story, whatever it is you want to talk about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, beautiful, that was very well said. Thank you for sharing it that way. That's fantastic. One more question before we move on to just sharing a little bit more about how you do help people. In your offer you mentioned a few times, and you've shown us as well. I've seen the Rubik's Cube. I'm curious how and where did that idea come from? Or did someone suggest that you know as an anxiety tool, and is this something that you kind of suggest to your clients as well? Or are there other things that you kind of perhaps suggest, like physical, actual things that they can do?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. So this came about. What just after? Uh, I got hurt training for the olympics and when I went back to new york, one of my really really good one of my best friends he had one and he was pretty good at solving it. So, along his friends and I'm a competitor, I'm like you know what? I can figure this thing out? Give me, give me here. And it became a competition. So each time we would see it. Okay, you know how, you know, let's see who can get it done the fastest, although I couldn't complete it. So a lot of times I would find myself just moving, manipulating it, and I didn't realize I did it more to show off. So I would take it on train with me, like, okay, cool, hey, check this out, hey, watch me work, but I can never finish it. But because I'm getting, you know, down the line, oh, that's cool. You know the girl's like, oh, he's smart, he's this, and. But then what happened was one day.
Speaker 2:One day I was on the train and this is new york so, and something crazy happened. I'm trying to think it was. I think it was a fight. It started with a um, what we thought was a homeless guy getting on the train and getting aggressive. But that wasn't the case, but he was. He was getting aggressive because he was talking aloud to himself but he was talking about somebody who was on the other side of the train. He knew the guy, the guy, they knew each other. So he was talking about somebody who was on the other side of the train. He knew the guy, the guy, they knew each other. So he was just. You know how people, just they get aggressive, they start talking amongst themselves. You know they're talking to the other guy because they want the other person to hear him. So eventually that person hears them, goes over and says hey, you know something, you know blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and it started getting super aggressive. Now, at this point there's nowhere for me to go because we're on a train, we're under the city, you can't get off the train and you start seeing all this aggression starting to happen and I'm like okay.
Speaker 2:So I noticed as I was sitting there, my hands are kind of like so when I used to have well when I have anxiety attacks, and like so when I used to have well, when I have anxiety. I don't have them that often Rarely anymore, unless something crazy happens. But this starts to happen with me, and if you pay attention to most people who have anxiety attacks or panic attacks, look at their hands. Sometimes it's either doing this the clenching or they're like moving like this, or they're doing this the hands tend to lock up. It's because what happens is a thought comes in and the muscles tense and they try to fight it, and then it relaxes. And then it happens again, and then it relaxes.
Speaker 2:So, as this, everything was going on, I'm like, ok, ok, hold on. And I remember I had my tube inside of my bag, so I take it out. I'm like, ok, hold on. And I remember I had my tube inside of my bag, so I take it out. I'm like, okay, cool, all right, all right, we're good. And I'm still watching, looking around at everything in the room Okay, all right, sean, you're safe, everything's cool, they're not too close to you. I'm like, okay, all right. And then when I looked down, I realized, oh crap, I'm almost done, no way. So now I'm watching the room. Okay, okay, we're good, we're good. Next thing you know we're here.
Speaker 1:It's complete.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then from then on I started using this. Okay, when I feel anxious, I'll just take it out and just start, and I would feel better. And then from there I started. You know over the years that I would use it. That's what my newest book is about.
Speaker 2:It's one turn at a time, how to reframe your anxiety and things like that. So in this book I'm teaching people how to use the different layers of this cube to manage that manage anxiety and stress, things like that. So and I teach it, but within my clients as well, not so much with the cube, it's uh, I teach them about the different layers and how it can relate to anxiety. But I absolutely tell hey, learn how to do this, not just for the anxiety, the stress relief, but forehead, to keep your mind sharp, allow you to see things three-dimensionally and understanding that the world is similar to this. It's never the same every day. There's always something different to happen and we have to use different combinations to get through the day and to make it work. What I did yesterday, it's not going to work for today. What I did 10 minutes ago, it's not going to work for this. The same combination I just did to finish this the next time I try it. It's not going to work, so I definitely encourage that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cool, that's fantastic. I love the metaphorical sense in that, as well as the actual, tangible cube itself and the fidgeting and the physical aspect, but then how it relates to life and kind of all those different layers that we have to uncover and all the different combinations of, um, you know, trying things and approaching things in different perspectives that we have to have and different ways that we have to understand things in order to, you know, just get to know ourselves better in the world around us. That's fantastic, I I love that. So you mentioned your new book and the title of that One Turn at a Time.
Speaker 1:I love that you have written all of these books from all these almost different times in your life. So you've written five books this is the fifth one. Young men, men specifically women as well, as you mentioned and business professionals and athletes, but you're not coaching them in a business sense. You're really focusing on their mental and emotional well-being and kind of helping them be well-rounded individuals, but through emotional intelligence and kind of mental agility and managing anxiety, of course, which is what your book is all about.
Speaker 2:Right, right, exactly exactly. I had someone ask me well, okay, so you're a business coach. I said no, I'm not telling you how to you know how to do your job. I'm here to fix all well, fix. But I'm here to work with you on the emotional parts with it, the mental adaptation that we talked about earlier adversity, training, the understanding how to deal with your workplace anxiety, dealing with toxicity. Now, this is just from a business perspective, but I start going into those aspects. Okay, I'm working on promotions. Okay, I want to get a promotion. Okay. Okay, I want to be a team leader. Or, if you're a business owner or entrepreneur, okay, finding that diamond in the rough, finding that one person that's in your staff that can help you get the best results or ROI out of you know. Or if we're talking just in general with young men, you know we focus on. I'm not telling you how to live your life, I'm just helping you. You know, enjoy your life a lot smoother.
Speaker 2:You know, enjoy your life a lot smoother, you know, and the safety with young ladies. We talk, you know, going back to the root of things, dealing with the emotion, dealing with heartbreak, dealing with uh, let's say, work, challenges, kids, how to deal with young men, because we can see a handful. So, yeah, I focus more on that, not so much. Hey, I'm going to help you, I'm going to tell you how to do your job or no, that's not what I do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, fantastic. Well, it's yeah, it's really fantastic to you know, hear your story and see how passionate you are about you know what you do help people with, and it all kind of stems from your own life experience and the lessons that you learned along the way, and I love how you've taken all this life experience and you know you're creating an impact out of that and this is. You know. Most people come on the show. This has kind of been their journey also, but everyone's is so unique at the same time and yeah, it's just it's it's been absolutely fantastic to hear your story and to hear your answers to these questions. I know this has been extremely valuable to the audience and there's been a lot of takeaways here. Um, where can people find you, get in touch with you? Um, take a look at your book. Perhaps order that for themselves?
Speaker 2:um, yeah, okay, yeah, great, um, thank you. Thank you. Thank you again for having me here, um, on all social media platforms linkedin, instagram, it's I am sean spencer, so s-h-a-u-n, not the w-a-r-s-c-a-n, s-h-a-u-n-s-p-e-n-c-e-r. And that's where I am on just pretty much every platform. My website, seanjspencercom, let's see. And then for the book, the Lake will be going up over this weekend for the new book. I'm actually launching it this weekend, so that'll be cool for that book. But I also have a book that's specifically for workplace anxiety, sexual harassment, and then all right, so it's going to be a three-book bundle workplace anxiety, one turn at a time, reframing anxiety. And I have one called the Sprint Method, which is more so for young men, young women who are athletic or performers, and it teaches them basically the essence of emotional intelligence sprint, you know, self-awareness, purpose-driven resilience, interpersonal skills, navigating anxiety and transformation, basically mental transformation. So that's a short book for them, 70 pages. So basically it's going to be a nice cool little bundle. So all of that's going to go out this week, great.
Speaker 1:I love that. Well, thank you again for, yeah, being here, having a conversation, making the time to share, and any final thoughts before we wrap up.
Speaker 2:Other than we got to do this again some other time. This was awesome. Yeah, it's again with the anxiety of pasta syndrome. For, mostly for the women, for the women who want to help their son or who want to help the young men, start with just listening and ask if they would like you to. Hey, you want my opinion on this, on my opinion on that? Again, guide us there. Don't give us the answer, because we all we, we yearn to figure things out, but the first step is listening for young men forgiving.
Speaker 2:If you cannot forgive yourself, it's not going to matter how many people you forgive, because you're still going to harbor that anger, and I held it for 27 years and it took a horrible situation to happen to me for it to break me. I had to go into therapy. The first thing I did when I got out talked to my father forgiving yourself and releasing that anger. Anger again. Going back to the, to the. I release you, not because I agree with what you did to me, nor that I deserve it, nor do you even acknowledge that you did it, but that release, that forgiveness. That is where we all start as far as moving forward.
Speaker 1:And with the imposter syndrome. If you're feeling it, it's because you're right where you're supposed to be Beautiful, so powerful. Thank you so much, sean, sharing that and it's. It has been an absolute pleasure to have you on the show and I do look forward to speaking with you again in the near future. Um, you know, bringing you inside the community. We can do a q? A, perhaps having you on for another episode we could go a little bit deeper, um, perhaps into the anxiety of an imposter syndrome, or, you know, we could go in another direction. Whatever you know seems to align at that time. It has been an absolute pleasure talking to you and thank you again for being here.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. This is amazing. Soon as I got back from Mexico yesterday, I said, all right, let's get ready. Had my shirt out. I was like, all right, let's do it. This is going to be great. I was super excited. I.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that. It's so good. Yeah, and just coming back from vacation, this is kind of the first task on your to-do list, so what an honor right.
Speaker 2:First things first, gotta get it done, let's have some fun.
Speaker 1:Life should be fun. That's a wrap on today's episode. I am beyond grateful for your participation in today's conversation. My intention is that the information shared here today has inspired you to deepen your understanding of your emotional health and that of the people around you. When you're ready to start sharpening your tools, head to wwweqnationorg and download our free seven-step guide to upgrading your emotional health. Our website is the best place to connect with our community and get access to free resources. You can also send us your questions through our social media channels linked on the website wwweqnationorg. All the resources from today's show will be in the show notes and before you go, make sure you hit follow so you don't miss an episode. I'm Livia Lauder. See you next time on Emotions Untapped.