Emotions Untapped

#022 Uncovering Emotional Inheritance: Breaking Free from Transgenerational Trauma with Marina O'Connor

• Livia Lowder

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This episode features Marina O'Connor, a trauma therapist and entrepreneur, as we uncover the mysteries of transgenerational trauma and how the emotional baggage of previous generations silently influences our lives. Marina offers deep insights into recognizing inherited patterns and provides strategies to break free from limiting cycles.

In this episode, we explore:

  • How unprocessed emotions and stressors are passed down through generations like a "hot potato"
  • The impact of prenatal and early life stress on perceptions of safety and belonging
  • How trauma is stored in our bodies as reactions rather than memories
  • The role of secure, trusting relationships in the healing process
  • Practical tools to identify and heal unconscious patterns affecting emotional well-being
  • The ways parenting can reveal unresolved developmental issues
  • The potential of transgenerational healing programs for fostering growth and self-awareness
  • Personal reflections on the journey of healing and breaking free from inherited cycles
  • And so much more!

You will love this episode if:

  • You feel stuck in patterns that you suspect stem from your family or upbringing.
  • You want to understand how past generations influence your emotional well-being.
  • You’re curious about how trauma is stored in the body and ways to release it.
  • You’re a parent navigating emotional challenges and want to build secure connections with your children.
  • You seek practical tools to heal inherited patterns and foster emotional clarity.

This episode offers empowering insights and actionable strategies to help you break free from the past, nurture your emotional health, and create a brighter future for yourself and future generations.

You can connect with Marina through her WEBSITE https://physistherapist.com/

Check out other episodes and find free resources on our website www.eqnation.org  

We love to hear from you! Please send us your feedback and questions via the text link at the top of the show notes, or DM us on Instagram

You can connect with our community, connect with us on social media and find valuable (FREE) resources on our website www.eqnation.org

Speaker 1:

so it's something that we often are not consciously aware of, but it has a very kind of meaningful impact on our lives. When you're talking about belief system, you know kind of how do we see ourselves, how do we see the world, those are mainly things that we learn, right, we might not remember how we learned them. We might learn them so early that it might feel that it's always been a part of us. You know there's a lot of evidence and research around that as a baby in the womb we can feel stress of a mother. You know we can feel relational stressors.

Speaker 1:

So I think very often, you know, some of the work with some of the clients is going to be some of what you've shared. You know it's kind of exploring what happened, what happened around the pregnancy, what happened around, you know, six months following birth, you know what kind of what kind of stressors parents are disconnected from themselves. You know like if they deny or reject different parts of themselves, they're not going to be able to connect with their children, because we can only connect with other people when we are connected with ourselves, right, when we kind of experience ourselves. There's a term, it's called hot potato, you know, in transgenerational work and when something becomes too hard for us to hold and we kind of throw it to different people to hold it for us. And this is something that's very often happens with parents and children right where kind of parents don't have support to cope with some of those feelings and they kind of throw it as a hot potato to their children.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to the Emotions Untapped podcast. I'm your host, livia Lauder. This is the show where we explore the power of our thoughts, feelings and emotions and how they create our personal and professional realities In this community. We dive into better understanding feelings and emotions and how they create our personal and professional realities In this community. We dive into better understanding, using and managing these elements of ourselves so we can live healthier, better balanced and less overwhelming lives. You'll hear conversations with experts and thought leaders from a variety of fields here to help you gain insights, strategies and tools for building and upgrading your emotional awareness and regulation techniques, and there will be a couple solo episodes with yours truly. It brings me so much joy to share this information with you, to connect with you and guide you on your journey. If you're ready to start doing the work, you can download our free seven-step guide to improving your emotional health right now. Just go to wwweqnationorg. Now let's dive in.

Speaker 2:

Marina O'Connor is a trauma therapist and serial entrepreneur. She has a background in developing businesses and decided to pivot her career to become a psychotherapist around 10 years ago. She now has an international psychotherapy practice focusing on working with transgenerational and developmental trauma. She's passionate about helping people to heal, grow and change in their unique ways. In this episode, we talk about what we pass on to our children as parents, as well as transgenerational scenarios and trauma. Marina, thank you so much for joining us today. It's a pleasure to have you on the show. Likewise, thank you for having me. This is going to be a really fantastic conversation. I'm excited to dive in. So let's get straight in. We're talking about transgenerational trauma here today. What is transgenerational trauma? Can you describe it for us?

Speaker 1:

transgenerational trauma. Can you describe it for us? Yeah, so I think I'm kind of aware that the word trauma, you know, can be quite heavy for many people and I also think it's really overused lately because I think, you know, trauma kind of becomes a bit everything. But I think when we make something, everything it also becomes nothing. So I just want to generally talk about transgenerational scenarios, um, and this is kind of unconscious knowledge that each of us carry, you know, to one extent or another, and it's kind of all information that is stored in our implicit memory system. So it's something that we often are not consciously aware of, but it has a very kind of meaningful impact on our lives.

Speaker 1:

So in that way, you know, every belief we have about ourselves and the world is going to be relational, transgenerational, because as we grow up, you know from a very young age, well, from birth, and you know kind of now, with um, more research into ep, epigenetics, we know that it starts even before birth. So all of that information, all of those beliefs that we develop, um, in relationships right, they kind of become parts of how we see ourselves, how we see the world, you know, and all of that kind of is included in transgenerational scenarios that we carry, you know, relational modeling that we witness as we grow up, all of that stuff. And if we talk about transgenerational trauma, it's kind of that part of those scenarios that can be harmful, unhelpful, damaging, limiting, disruptive to kind of our development and our sense of self right. So kind of anything that in any way is you know and anything that has a negative impact on our development could be trans-generation trauma of it.

Speaker 2:

So I suppose the next question is if we're not consciously aware, how do we recognize it? How does it show up that we can start to build awareness around this, because we're going to have to have awareness around it before we can begin to heal it, which we'll talk about a little bit later on the show. But if it's, if we're not consciously aware, how can we recognize this, these scenarios?

Speaker 1:

yeah. So I think you know, obviously, when we're not consciously aware of something, that I guess an antidote for that would be an awareness, to have an awareness and you know, we can never have a full awareness right, just because of how our implicit memory systems work right. So it's like an iceberg and we kind of can see what's on the top, but I don't think we can ever go and see, and it's not even needed, to be honest, to have a full understanding of those transgenerational scenarios, because there's too much information. There's too much, but I think, in terms of how to recognize it is, you know, if you kind of notice any repetitive patterns in yourself. You know, if you notice any repetitive patterns in your life, if you, you know, kind of find familiar relational dynamics, you know, if you have feelings that are familiar, you know, or if you kind of maybe identify with a familiar role, you know, maybe, I don't know, someone can be like a rescuer, you know. Or someone can be like overprotective of people's feeling, or someone can always, you know, often find themselves, I don't know, in parental role, you know, whatever kind of this fix um and familiar.

Speaker 1:

So anything like that that we can recognize within ourselves is, you know, probably going to be an opportunity for an exploration, for growth and possibly healing, of course, if those repetition, right um, are painful, or if those repetitions are what stop us from growing or developing, you know. So those things would be most probably related to some of that implicit learning that is transgenerational, but really every belief we have about ourselves, if you find any belief about yourself, whether it's negative or positive, that you have right. This is going to be something that we learn in relationships, right, whether we think we're capable, you know we're beautiful, we're smart, we're worthy, we're unworthy, you know we have a potential. You know, whatever it is right, whatever the belief is, it's going to be stem, relational. Yeah, it's going to be relational.

Speaker 2:

Okay, and so would you say that those belief systems are kind of already a part of who we are, before we're ever even born, or is it something that kind of develops at a young age, that we kind of like absorb these, these beliefs and ways of understanding about ourself from our parents?

Speaker 1:

yeah, I think our beliefs, I mean obviously you know kind of anything that we carry, there is going to be biology in that, you know, and there are certainly some predispositions there, right. But I think when you're talking about belief system, you know kind of how do we see ourselves, how do we see the world. Those are mainly things that we learn, right, we might not remember how we learned them. We might learn them so early that it might feel that it's always been a part of us, right, because of how early we've learned that, um, but I think in that way all of that is learned. So I actually don't believe that.

Speaker 1:

I I believe that all of us are born with the sense that we are okay. You know, and there, of course, you know some of the ideas now and understanding around perinatal trauma, for example. You know where trauma happens early, or you know trauma is proverbial, or again, like with kind of research into perinatal trauma, when something stressful happens during pregnancy, all of those things would have an influence, of those things would have an influence. But just kind of as a general rule, outside of those kind of extremes, I think as we are born, we don't see ourselves as you know. Uh, we don't hold a negative image of ourselves, so we don't have a negative image of certain parts of ourselves.

Speaker 1:

And if we do, I think that is related to that relational modeling, right, that where we learned, um, for whatever way, right, maybe our parents had similar beliefs about themselves, you know, or maybe there was some kind of absence, you know, or maybe there was, like some, I don't know, like a history of just uh, harmful family dynamics, you know. Whatever it is, but that will all contribute to children learning that something is not okay with me. I'm not okay, you know. Maybe there are parts of me that are not okay, maybe some of my feelings are unwelcome, and that's going to be formed into our belief systems, right, and essentially we're going to carry in expectations that the world is going to meet us in the same way as our parents did, right, so that's going to be our unconscious expectation that we're going to carry until we recognize that, you know. And I think then, from that on, we can start exploring why have we learned that this is only what's available for us, and then changing whatever we want to change.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, okay, amazing. There's so many takeaways there that I kind of want to delve back into. So something that you had said a little while ago was you know how do we see it? And it's in the patterns and things that kind of continue to come up that maybe possibly don't really seem to make sense based on the scenario that it's related to. And I just wanted to comment on that that you know it would take a certain level of someone having a certain level of self-awareness already to be able to understand and kind of see these patterns unfolding. I guess, on that, if there's someone that hasn't kind of got to that level yet, that has the information of oh yeah, I have these patterns, that has the information of oh yeah, I have these patterns, I mean, are there any tools or way we can check in with ourselves any kind of self-awareness tricks or tips or strategies that you would have for kind of just getting to that point of understanding? Oh, you know, this might be something that I am experiencing.

Speaker 1:

I think, I mean, I don't know if you know, I think curiosity around our own process, right, that's kind of an ability to self-reflect which I believe all of us have to some extent right, maybe, like our needs are different and you know, maybe some people tend to look deeper, some people kind of don't have a need to look as deep, but I think something that kind of that ability to self-reflect is quite a human thing to have.

Speaker 1:

But I think, without curiosity, kind of without, or, you know, without, I guess, hearing some kind of pain about why you want to do this work, I think this is kind of where people tend to right understand the importance of self-work, where they're kind of in the situation where it almost kind of become like a necessity, you know, it kind of becomes an emergency, um strategy, uh, so I think kind of either that or just having a curiosity, um, I'm not sure, kind of you know whether, and you know, I guess, just kind of noticing some of our reactions, right, kind of, and I mean the body reactions, you know, because I think very often when you kind of talk about transgenerational scenarios, so you know kind of the trauma, part of that childhood trauma, that's not kind of the trauma, part of that childhood trauma. That's not kind of information that we might be rationally aware of, you know, because we might kind of disconnect from it, we might, you know, dissociate from it, but this is very much information that's going to be stored in our body, right in our responses, in kind of how do we react to certain things that can be absolutely benign for other people, yet somehow we can react like it's the end of the world, or we can feel shame, or we can feel rage, or we can kind of feel resentment, and it could be kind of quite a benign situation. So it's almost like there's a curiosity about so how is that that I'm reacting this way? And what is this reaction tells me, you know, about my process, you know what's kind of what?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's just like what is perhaps a wound that you know under that reaction, and I think it's kind of really important, I guess, to do it with kind of curiosity and kindness, as opposed to, you know, this judgment. This is a wrong reaction or, you know, I'm a horrible person if I'm reacting in that way, which I think many people tend to go into, this self-punishment, you know, and self-criticism. So that's why I'm talking a lot about curiosity, because I think curiosity is kind of an important part of any, I guess, self-reflection and any kind of growth or change process.

Speaker 2:

Beautiful. I love that, and it's really an expression of self-compassion, then, in a sense, right To look at it from a point of being curious about it as opposed to being judgmental about it. I love that. That's a beautiful way to express that. Yeah, and similarly to what you just said, too is actually a quote that I absolutely loved when I saw it written I'm not sure if it was on your website or somewhere on your social media, somewhere on your platform.

Speaker 1:

It was trauma doesn't come back as a memory, it comes back as a reaction. And that's now exactly what you it's not mine, it's not, it's not my quote, but but yeah, I think I think when we talk about kind of the way again, because a lot of early trauma, it's kind of stored in our implicit memory system. An implicit memory system it's not something that we can consciously, it's, it's not kind of a narrative that we can, you know, just tell as a story. So it's, they're going to be feelings, they're going to be senses, they're going to be reactions. So they're going to be, you know, I don't know tensions in our body. So it's kind of going to be something again in that iceberg, you know, metaphor is going to be something that's very kind of deep underwater and we might not kind of have a logical, rational explanation about what's actually have happening in the moment as we notice that response.

Speaker 1:

And I think that's why for many people it's so kind of challenging, especially if you're talking about a relationship you know to kind of just yeah, just I guess, maintain the sense of okayness while going through those repetitions or, you know, while you're coping with some of the triggers, because it's almost like not clear of what is causing that, and very often people think, well, this is something that's wrong with me. You know, this is I'm not doing something, or maybe I'm not trying hard enough, or you know, or maybe I'm not. So there's a lot kind of again self-blame and self-criticism and kind of dismissing what could be happening behind it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, beautiful. And that's a really great segue into where I'd love to take the conversation next, which is essentially in very simplistic terms. You know, what do we do about this? How do we begin to heal? But just before we jump ahead to that, I just want to make a note to what you had mentioned earlier about the prenatal trauma that you mentioned. You know, if something happens during pregnancy.

Speaker 2:

I just wanted to share a really quick personal kind of experience with something like this. I was doing an NLP session with a past coach of mine and he we were working on specific emotions and the question that she asked me while I was, you know, in a quite meditative state, like just relaxed, and we were speaking to the subconscious mind and trying to pull information from that space and the prompt question was along the lines of the specific feeling we were talking about Think back to the first time that you experienced this feeling. Was it before, during or after birth? And she explained to me before we did the session you know it's going to sound kind of funny and you're going to think how could I remember anything from before I was born that, like, how could I? That doesn't seem plausible, right?

Speaker 2:

But in one of the sessions that we did I did actually have it was like a flashback, like if it was a movie playing in my mind. I was kind of seeing it from a third person perspective, but it was my mother, pregnant with me, having an experience and a scenario was unfolding and I was absolutely fascinated by that experience and how my body and brain somehow held that memory. I could watch it like a movie playing. So it was just interesting to hear you say you know, things can happen before birth that actually affect us, you know, in our lives as we grow. And yeah, I just I had to share that experience because it was just, yeah, thank you, yeah, and it doesn't sound I think you said it might sound funny as we grow. And yeah, I just I had to share that experience because it was just, yeah, thank you, yeah, and and it doesn't sound.

Speaker 1:

I think you said it might sound funny, but it doesn't. There's a lot of evidence, there's a lot of research actually, because you know, amygdala the part of the brain that's responsible for our kind of stress responses, for survival responses it's actually formed at seven months of gestation. So there is a lot of kind of risk. You know there's a lot of evidence and research around that. As a baby in the womb, we can feel stress of a mother. You know we can feel relational stressors. So I think very often, um, you know, some of the work with some of the clients is going to be some of what you've shared. You know, it's kind of exploring what happened, what happened around the pregnancy, what happened around, you know, six months following birth. You know what kind of, what kind of stressors could you know your parents be under? Could your mother be under?

Speaker 1:

Because this is something that we can internalize and remember again, not explicitly right, but implicitly. This is something, as you know, as a birth trauma, as as all of those things that can influence, right, how we enter the world, that then it's going to influence how we perceive the world. You know, do we feel welcome, you know? Do we feel safe? Do we feel secure? You know, do we feel connected, do we feel the sense of belonging? So there, yeah, so absolutely, those are really significant and it's not something that every client, you know, is going to to want to explore, to need to explore.

Speaker 1:

But I think I always say that follow your curiosity, you know, because where we feel curiosity, where we feel energy, it doesn't have to make sense. It doesn't have to make sense for other people, but where we feel curiosity and energy, where we kind of feel our body reacting in some kind of oh you know, I like I want to know more, I always kind of say follow, follow that feeling, because even though we don't actually know what's going to be revealed, but as soon as you feel that energy you know of, of your body, of your unconscious, to just go there, I always kind of say just follow that. It doesn't have to make sense, but this is probably where next steps are, and then you're going to understand or something is going to be revealed. Give an explanation of why there was this energy and curiosity and where we kind of go with that attention, with that energy.

Speaker 2:

You know it's going to grow.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, fascinating it's so fascinating, it's just less well for me as well. Yes, I love, I love this work, I love what I do. So, yeah, so I, I'm, I'm, agreeing with you this yes, we'll be right back after a quick break.

Speaker 2:

I hope you're loving the show so far. The personal development journey can feel lonely sometimes, but it doesn't have to. We are here to help each other succeed at figuring out this whole growth thing. So come be a part of the conversation at wwweqnationorg. There you'll find links to our free community, which is full of valuable resources to get you feeling unstuck, less stressed and more connected to yourself and the people around you. And if this podcast does bring you value which I'm sure it will chances are it will do the same for someone else in your life. We are all about bringing value to the collective.

Speaker 2:

So share this episode directly with a friend or pop it on your socials with your biggest aha moment from today's show, and don't forget to tag us at Livia Lauder. That's L-I-V-I-A dot. L-o-w-d-e-r. Right, let's get back to it. So the curiosity yes, so D-E-R. Right, let's get back to it. So the curiosity yes. So feeling, the feeling in our body, kind of listening to that, beginning to understand that, okay, this is probably coming from a place that is perhaps was beyond me. How do we begin to heal these traumas inside the body that have been passed on to us Once we get curious and we start to look at it. You know what? What are the ways in which we can, um, you know, release that energy and and overcome those?

Speaker 1:

you know, majority of the time it's quite negative feeling in the body yeah, well, I think you, you know, I get starting kind of with the basics. If you think of trauma as relational harm, we get harmed as humans is where we kind of unconsciously look for what's familiar. So we're kind of going to recreate the relational dynamics that was familiar for us as adults, right, and so then we're kind of going to step in into familiar role. Yet it can be painful, it can be painful, it can be harmful. So I think just be mindful, uh, all relationships we're in, you know, and I think, kind of choosing the relationships where healing can happen, because relationship is the main vehicle for any kind of healing.

Speaker 1:

You know, whether it's a relationship with the therapist, I don't know whether it's a relationship with a therapist, I don't know whether it's a relationship with a friend, whether it's relationship with a partner with this, relationship with a coach, whatever modality right of kind of self-study you choose.

Speaker 1:

Because everyone is different and I'm obviously passionate about therapy and I'm biased about, you know, everything that's kind of relating to therapy, and also I'm aware that there are going to be people who might choose different tools, but I think all of them are based on that having a relationship that can make us feel heard, seen, recognized, validated, held right where we can kind of bring our vulnerability, our uniqueness be our stealth and because in that relationship we're going to be able to explore all of those parts that were impacted by by, you know, those transgenerational scenarios.

Speaker 1:

And it needs to be kind of secure, trusted. So I think for any kind of healing to happen, this is kind of the main vehicle to kind of have that relationship, the container that can then offer those opportunities for healing, for repair. And of course it's going to be messy as well. Whatever relationship, it is right there is going to be ruptures, but slowly we can start kind of exploring all of that unconscious knowledge and beliefs and then we can kind of re-decide um, you know, what do we want to change? You know what kind of where do we want to grow, and kind of, yeah, and be able to take risk with kind of new belief systems.

Speaker 2:

DNA to. You know, work together, live together, build together, experience life together. And you're right, you know, having that support whether it be, like you say, in the form of a therapist, someone who's you know trained, or even just a friend or an intimate partner having that support and openness in a relationship is a fantastic place to start. So, yeah, thank you for sharing that. That's beautiful. And I just had a note here as well you know, raising awareness for parents, raising the next generation, and I feel like perhaps this could tie into a little bit of your personal journey as well, because you had a career pivot about a decade ago and you're you now do this work and you're very passionate about this work. Would you say that that was a big impact on that transition was having children yourself?

Speaker 1:

yeah, I think I think this, I guess, has kind of always been my um strategy, or I kind of always followed my curiosity and this kind of has been always something that I felt strongly um. So it just kind of threw out my career, you know, and I've kind of been an entrepreneur for many years, before I became a therapist, and I've been running my own ventures and that was very much driven by curiosities. So I think, in that way, kind of what I do now is very tied with that journey. And you know, you know because when I became a parent because I have two children and I've started my psychotherapy training, and then, a few years after, I became a parent myself, and I think this is kind of where it almost this work was like there in front of me, because you know, I've just realized how challenging it can be, you know, to parent with a history of my own developmental unresolved issues which I wasn't even kind of aware of to that extent until I started having children. Because you know, with our children we're going to recycle just as cute right we're going to recycle every single developmental stage. So I think what I hear from many of my clients, you know, for many parents who I work with is that we didn't know, we didn't know about that until you know this, or you know, until this developmental stage, or until my kids started to, I don't know, like, do this and this is this is how I respond and I don't understand why and and and yeah, and this is kind of where a lot of people, I think, go through that recycling of their own developmental, and this is often kind of this is where they become aware of quite a lot of unresolved stuff that they've been carrying kind of you know, um, throughout their lives, but until kind of they were, you know, at the stage of recycling, they just didn't see it or, you know, it wasn't kind of on the surface, um.

Speaker 1:

But I think parenting relationship and kind of any interpersonal intimate relationship is such a big mirror of, you know, where we're not kind of yet honest with ourselves or where we don't see maybe some of those wounds in ourselves.

Speaker 1:

So I think that parenting relationship is one of the biggest mirrors. So I think it's kind of very expected that we might look at this mirror and very often we might not like what we see there, because our ideas about how we should be or what we should be doing. You know they're very different to how we are feeling and so I think using that relationship, uh, as a kind of those opportunities for healing, for growth, can be life changing for, you know, for parents, but also for connection, uh, between parents and children, because essentially parents are disconnected from themselves, you know, like if they deny or reject different parts of themselves, they're not going to be able to connect with their children, because we can only connect with other people when we're connected with ourselves right, when we kind of experience ourselves and we don't deny or push back or suppress certain parts of ourselves that we've learned are unwelcome or shameful or, you know, negative or whatever the we might carry yeah.

Speaker 2:

So it's so fascinating that you know, like you said, it's, you don't even know it's there until perhaps you have a child, and then these things start to come up and it's like oh. It kind of hits you in the face like, oh, ok, this is something I should probably pay attention to journey.

Speaker 1:

You know, I was just talking to my friend yesterday. We were talking about how every stage of parenting or even every stage of intimate relationship any intimate relationship you're going to meet different parts of yourself and then you know that can kind of offer those opportunities for re-decision, you know, for exploring, for kind of again using that relationship as a mirror to okay, so, so how do I? You know, where is this learning coming from? How do I feel about it now? Does it still feel true? Is it something that you know I want to change? How does it impact my life?

Speaker 1:

You know, how does it impact my relationships, and then, kind of, from that place, being able to to yeah, just kind of to, I guess, find a more autonomous way to live life. You know, because until we do that right, we're going to kind of be driven by those unconscious transgenerational scenarios. So we're kind of going to be either in confluence with them, we're going to comply, we're going to just think that we need to accept them fully, or we're going to reject them. You know we're going to say, oh, you know our parents know that. You know they're just like, look what they've done to us, right, so we're kind of going to be in the position of two extremes and kind of those choices are not going to be like autonomous about what's good for me, what do I feel kind of is authentic as a choice.

Speaker 2:

So because they're going to be kind of almost influenced by those unconscious, um, transgenerational scenarios yeah, I'm curious about kind of so we've talked a lot about, you know, the the unconscious um beliefs and kind of traumas being passed down. I kind of want to just shift the conversation real quickly, if you don't mind to to conscious beliefs and awareness around, perhaps like certain fears. So I'll create a scenario for you. So a friend of mine actually has a fear of ice, so like frozen lakes, frozen rivers. Unfortunately, they had an experience when they were a child that their family pet went through the ice in the spring and passed away. So it was a very traumatic experience.

Speaker 2:

Now that person has kids of their own and is very fearful of their kids ever stepping foot on, you know, a frozen lake, a frozen pond, anything like that, and so that's a conscious fear that they have. You know, for anyone in that scenario, what's the best way to approach that? Because, I mean, you still have that fear, you still have that worry, but what's the best way to approach that as to not, you know, to try not to pass that on to your children, while still, you know, providing information and safety around the situation.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, I think this is a very and I'm kind of mindful because I don't want to comment, you know, on a specific kind of an example that you made, but I think generally this is one of the most common patterns right in transgenerational work is, kind of when parents pass on kind of their unresolved fears or you know kind of their unprocessed pain right, or you know kind of their uh, grief right about kind of I don't know, the relationship breakdown and kind of the dullness becomes because very often they didn't have a space, they didn't have the support to process that, to integrate that right. It's kind of almost because it's template of of what is kind of driving, uh, like it becomes a driving force in life, so that feeling of fear or you know shame, or you know grief or loss or whatever it is. So there's a term it's called hot potato, you know, in transgenerational work and when something becomes too hot for us to hold and we kind of throw it to different people to hold it for us. And this is something that's very often happens with parents and children right, where kind of parents don't have support to cope with some of those feelings and they kind of throw it as a hot potato to their children. So I think how you know how kind of fights keep, is that, as parents, as we work on those fears ourselves, right? Because our children are not going to repeat our life scenarios until unless we're going to tell them that this is what they're going to repeat unconsciously, right?

Speaker 1:

So unless we kind of tell a child that you should be scared of that and this is nonverbal, right, it's not that we're telling a child this is what will happen, but unconsciously, right, if we have something that's unresolved within our you know, I don't know, it might be an unhappy marriage, you know, or it might be kind of a history, but you know, whatever it is, the pattern, the fears, you know that we, unconsciously we might be overprotective, or you know we might kind of nurture children too much, or we might tell them don't go there ever. You know, every time you see, you know, snow or ice or whatever you know or or whatever we kind of perceive as a source of danger, we're going to tell them never do that, right? So, and this is kind of one of the ways it's called projective identification kind of therapy, but it's kind of when we project feelings that we can't fully integrate ourselves onto other other people. So it's one of the kind of main mechanisms of transgenerational transmissions.

Speaker 1:

Right, I'm scared and I think you should be scared because I love you. You know it's not, it's not kind of done with intent to harm, um often, you know, but it can kind of create, yeah, yeah, but it kind of can create those transmission of those feelings that we don't want to pass on of the benefits of, you know, doing a walk and talk therapy session versus a traditional, you know, just kind of sitting down in a room and talking with a client.

Speaker 1:

I'd love to know more yeah, I mean, this is not going to be very scientific, uh, so I just I happen to live like in the most beautiful parts of the world. Okay, I live in Pasca in Portugal and you know, if you haven't been, I highly recommend it is absolutely beautiful here. So when we moved here from London, I just thought, you know, this is where I want to be outside as much as I can, just because of nature and the ocean, you know, and the forest, and you know there is obviously therapeutic part of that, of you know how movement being in nature helps with reconnection, you know, helps with, uh, soothing, you know, helps of our kind of sense of presence. So there is all of that and you know, but mainly if I'm being honest, it will say it was kind of driven, uh, by my need to be outside and move.

Speaker 1:

And obviously in parallel, I do find that in any self work, when we integrate movement, when you know we kind of integrate body work there's, when we kind of open to explore, because as we walk and talk there's so many things happening, you know there can be used for, like, for experiments, for exploration, you know, for soothing, you know, for kind of an emotional folding. So I think it's just all of all of that, um, but yeah, I'm just fortunate also to be living in this beautiful place and I think it would be kind of a shame for me, uh, it would be a loss, to not use that and to not offer walk and talk. So, yeah, so I love that format and with some of the clients, it's really, I think, something that is quite helpful. Um, you know, especially kind of we're doing some of the work with, you know, those body reactions and responses, and movement is really something that can be quite significant in that process.

Speaker 2:

Fantastic. Yeah, just I imagine you know just be very calming on the nervous system as well. As you're verbally, you're talking and you're working through the therapy session, but then also you're surrounded by trees and nature and water and all these beautiful things and, yeah, fantastic.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think it's really important.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, fantastic, yeah, I think it's really important.

Speaker 1:

And you know, because I think very often, you know, especially as life gets busy and we're kind of all doing so many things, I think we're always kind of get disconnected from very simple ways to reconnect, you know, with ourselves, with our body, with the people in our lives.

Speaker 1:

And I think you know, being in nature is kind of one of the natural ways of healing, right. That it's almost kind of we don't use as much as we can. You know, and I think I think just kind of spending time in nature, you know, or just whether it's forest, whether it's ocean, you know whether just going to the park you can, or just whether it's forest, whether it's ocean, you know whether just going to the park you can live in the city, it's really something that can help to restore our nervous system. You know it's kind of help to prepare and to just yeah, and just kind of to choose a pace that's kind of helpful for us to start integrate. You know all of the like experience that very often we just kind of swallow without chewing and then they kind of can start creating, you know, quite a lot of disruptions.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, very underrated, I would agree, absolutely yeah. So your program that you have, it's called what Do we Pass, pass on, and that's a self-paced program and there's also a group space in there and it is available to everyone, as you mentioned in our pre-interview. I'd love for you to just share a little bit more about what's going on in that space and how that's kind of set up yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So what do we pass on is kind of a program I created based on my work, you know, with transgenerational scenarios and in the end it's the program for everyone who wants to explore the impact of those transgenerational scenarios so that's implicit learning on their lives, who wants to connect with their true potential. Because, as we kind of do this work and we peel off layers and layers and layers of that conditioning, programming, you know, those, uh, negative beliefs that are relational, you know, we kind of connect with our true selves, you know, or you can call it with, you know, our true potential, kind of parts of ourselves that we've kind of learned to deny, reject, suppress, you know so. So I think, kind of this work is for anyone, um, who feels, you know, that they need some additional support in that journey of transforming lives. And I do find transgenerational work not, you know, and I'm not only talking about myself, just kind of generally working with those transgenerational work. Not, you know, and I'm not only talking about myself, just kind of generally working with those transgenerational scenarios what are the most powerful vehicle. That has been like changing for me, kind of when I started understanding the impact of some of the knowledge on me. So, yeah, so the program is for everyone and I normally do the groups that I am facilitating and, yeah, because I kind of obviously have limiting resources, I've also done a program.

Speaker 1:

It's kind of self-paced version of my group, with an exception that of course it's not a substitute for therapy and I just want to be very direct and clear about that but that the program is a place of learning about transgenerational scenarios and transgenerational healing and it gives a lot of wonderful practical information and kind of very detailed understanding of the impact of this knowledge on our relationships with ourselves, with, you know, other people you know with. Kind of it gives a very, you know, deep understanding of main transgenerational scenarios. It gives a very kind of deep understanding of you know what are the tools and what are the techniques you know and what are kind of, yeah, just of you know what are the tools and what are the techniques you know and what are kind of, yeah, just what are the different ways that we can use. And you know, I always kind of again say that this program is not meant to be used as a therapy, right, so for kind of any work I always say that, you know's, it's kind of goes in parallel with having that relationship that we've spoken about, where you kind of can take that awareness right and just have safe enough space to explore what to do with that and you know, and kind of how do you facilitate changes.

Speaker 1:

But yes, so that program is available to everyone, uh, who wants to kind of learn about transgenerational healing and yeah, and just kind of understand the impact of you know three generations, because transgenerational scenarios kind of um impact three generations. You know grandparents, parents and children. So those would be kind of key relationships that um pass on that knowledge to us. So, and this is kind of going to be exploring those relationships and you know models and kind of a lot of, a lot of um yeah like a lot of information around around that fantastic, that sounds great, such a valuable resource for anyone that's seeking that right, that is curious and wants to find out more.

Speaker 2:

Like you said, it's the education, the understanding and building the awareness. But if you don't, if you don't have that foundation, then you kind of can't go to the next step of of starting to heal those parts of you. So, yeah, I really appreciate that. Thank you so much for creating that space.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, and I think you know for anyone, because I kind of came to transgenerational work personally, you know, after many, many years of self-work, you know of my own individual therapy. So I think people who tend to come into this work, they already kind of carry quite a lot of awareness, you know, they already understand, you know themselves quite well, you know. So there's like quite a lot of self-reflection and they're just kind of looking for an additional push, you know. Or they're kind of looking for an additional resource, uh, to how to take themselves to the next level. So I think, yeah, it's just kind of um, a very, quite a deep dive into our the understand, a deeper understanding of ourselves, and it was driving us fantastic.

Speaker 2:

Well, I encourage anyone in that situation, you know, at that point in their journey, to definitely reach out. I'd love for you to share just where's the best place that we can find you online and any final thoughts that you may have before we wrap up.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I'm online. I think it's very easy now to find each other, right, you just type my name and here I am. Hello. So, yeah, I have a website. I have Instagram that I'm trying to be organized with. It doesn't happen as often as I want, but I'm there. I'm also on LinkedIn. I do quite a lot of work with entrepreneurs and founders as an entrepreneur myself. This is my background, so I'm there. But yeah, I think you know, if we're kind of meant to be working together, we're going to connect. I'm quite easy to find anyone who has kind of any social media presence. So, yeah, it's easy, fantastic, great.

Speaker 2:

Well, thank you so much, marina, for coming on the show. I really value your time and this has been a really informative conversation and I just really appreciate everything we've talked about today. And, yeah, just thank you for being here.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and thank you so much. Yeah, it was really insightful to speak with you and thank you for your wonderful questions and you know some of the things that you've shared. Yes, thank you, it was wonderful speaking with you that's a wrap on today's episode.

Speaker 2:

I am beyond grateful for your participation in today's conversation. My intention is that the information shared here today has inspired you to deepen your understanding of your emotional health and that of the people around here. Today has inspired you to deepen your understanding of your emotional health and that of the people around you. When you're ready to start sharpening your tools, head to wwweqnationorg and download our free seven-step guide to upgrading your emotional health. Our website is the best place to connect with our community and get access to free resources. You can also send us your questions through our social media channels linked on the website wwweqnationorg. All the resources from today's show will be in the show notes and before you go, make sure you hit follow so you don't miss an episode. I'm Livia Lauder. See you next time on Emotions Untapped.